Oakwell Memories - By Dirk Hartog

<u>The Artist Writes</u>
Hi, my name's Dirk and I hope you enjoy my collection - all of my pictures are from the heart and I would like to take this opportunity to state that BFC have been in no way involved in editing, modifying or in any other way, censoring my work. If you like what you see you can purchase these pictures - I can be found sleeping in the doorway of the old Littlewoods in town. Throw me the specified amount of change and I'll get my mate at the drop in centre to print you off a copy the next time I'm there. If you can't find me in the Littlewoods doorway then it's Giro day and I can be found in Spuggy Park, Townend - all the great artists from Town hang around there.





<u>The Collection</u>
<img src=http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/6303/0001pq8.jpg align=”left”>
Devaney Scores Against Plymouth.

Price: £1.50 or bottle of meths or signed Gordon Shepherd Photo


<img src=http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/597/0003uh3.jpg align=”left”>
Howard Versus Cardiff.

Price: Half eaten Greggs sandwich or experienced centre-half

<img src=http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/8253/0004fy8.jpg align=”left”>
<u>Limited Edition – Nudger Loves Jay Barnsley Club Crest</u>
.

Price: Copy of Interracial Dwarf Girl On Girl Action or a go on Simon Davey’s interactive whiteboard

 

quality. I might pop to Greggs in a minute.

Dirk can I swap 'Howard vs Cardiff' and the club crest for a sausage and bean melt?

 

Jam doughnut and it's yours.

 

Okay at that rate, can you put it by until pay day?

 

There was a much better one

<div>... about a year ago.......on the way home from the win at Hull.</div><div>Remember. Dirk?</div>

 

RE: There was a much better one

Chortling....

 

This is a magnificent collection....

<font size="2">

&hellip; of the works of the up and coming artist Deuteronomy Hartog or Dirk as we in the art community know him.</p>

The collection</p>

You can see in his earlier work &lsquo;Howard versus Cardiff&rsquo; the almost childlike expression of his devotion to the subject. The lack of confidence in this formative part of his art is betrayed by the use of typeface not daring to use his own hand</p>

By the time that the now famous &lsquo;Devaney scores against Plymouth&rsquo; whose working title &lsquo;swing thi leg at that&hellip;.oooo lucky Barsteward&rsquo; the artist had thrown off the shackles of insecurity and it is the strength of the statements made in the artist&rsquo;s own hand that shows through. The artist toys with our feelings with the off field voice, we are lead to believe that this belongs to St Simon of Wales where it my be actually himself expressing his devotion to the subject matter.</p>

Style </p>

Many critics have struggled to classify Dirk&rsquo;s style and argue whether it&rsquo;s &lsquo;mannerist, pointillist, or impressionist. When questioned the artist was heard to mumble &lsquo;verypissed&rsquo;</p>

Darker days</p>

Homoerotic period. A time of confusion in the artist&rsquo;s career is indicated by the critically acclaimed </p>

&lsquo;Nudger 4 Jay&rsquo; This was compared to Davinci&rsquo;s Mona Lisa only the subject of this Hartog work does not have an enigmatic smile. It is suggested that in is more of a grimace as one is &lsquo;taken up the tradesman&rsquo;s.&rsquo;</p>

Dirk spent a short time in gaol as a result of a misunderstanding when a critic told him his style was that of Pollock. The artist responded with &lsquo;who tha callin a pillock&rsquo; he was sentenced to a year for the ensuing &lsquo;kicking&rsquo;.</p>

On release from gaol the artist was at his lowest ebb. A period of &lsquo;self mutilation&rsquo; ensued culminating in his copying of Van Gough but where as Van Gough cut off his ear, Dirk, under the influence of Stella, hacked off his legs below the knee as a tribute to Toulouse Le Treque. This now accounts for his diminutive stature.</p>

Current work</p>

It is believed that the artist is currently working on a piece to be called &lsquo;Centre Half Needed&rsquo; which is a post-modern, post- industrial, post-manpat, study of the requirements of a provincial football team for a stout yeoman of great stature not just &lsquo;some cheap foreigner who&rsquo;s 5&rsquo;8&quot; and can play anywhere at the back&rsquo;</p>

</p>

Future work</p>

Dependent on future commitments the artist may pay homage by copying the mannerist painting &lsquo;The martyrdom of St Lawrence&rsquo; where the subject is martyred over a furnace of hot coals. </p>

The Harthog version will be called &lsquo;The martyrdom of St Simon of Wales&rsquo; where the subject is spit roasted. Unfortunately this critic is unaware of the terminology used and has no idea as to what form this will take.</p>

Norman St John Beard</p>

Art critic Barnsley Chron</p>

An exhibition of the artist&rsquo;s work is currently on display at the Livingstone gallery</p></font>

 

Quality! nt

 

Welcome to the 'too much time on hands' club

Quality mind.

 

tipped cockhat to you sir.

 

Absolutely PMSL...

Many critics have struggled to classify Dirk’s style and argue whether it’s ‘mannerist, pointillist, or impressionist. When questioned the artist was heard to mumble ‘verypissed’

Brilliant!

 

Awesome

What fridays were invented for.

 

Absolutely brilliant


(worship) (worship) (worship) (worship) (worship) (worship)
(respect) (respect) (respect) (respect) (respect) (respect)

 

Class.

I don't understand any of it though.

 

no mate finish at three, just couldn't resist.

spent my own time typing it, what worries me is I could have written three times as much.</p>

</p>

</p>

</p>

 

Hehe

Stuff like that's for work time sithi.</p>

</p>

 

That was a mere precis ???????

FFS !! You're a flipping genius , Dave .

 

I'm sure I will get it back...

... being an accountant, balding getting fatter, bad eyesight and a lover of crimpelene shirts and flares. Bit of a soft target I am

 

Peas in a pod

Me & thee , mate .