Ode to Burnley by Richard Kell

There was a young woman from Burnley
Who grabbed me and said to me sternly
"I like it reight hard
On the ground in our yard
And I go faster than that Liz Hurley."

 

Ah but can you do one about unrequited love resulting in a bout of necrophilia?

 

RE: Ah but can you do one about unrequited love resulting in a bout of necrophilia?

I loved a girl but she dint like me
So I hit her on the head with a branch from a tree
She looked lovely being dead
So I f*cked her in the head
Wailing all the while like a crazed banshee

 

Do you think I should delete that?

 

No go outside and shout it.

A young undertaker called Ted,

Tried hard to get Linda to bed,

Despite his endeavour,

He just couldn't 'ev her,

So he had a cadaver instead.

 

cadaver

Some time in the future I'm going to find a way of slipping that in to conversation. It's going to take some doing I reckon.

 

What about "cadaverous"?

He rose with a headache and grimaced at the cadaverous face in the mirror.

 

Oi, Julia Roberts

Get a Mars bar down your neck you cadaverous old trout.

 

Yay!

Now compose a small piece utilising every definition of the word urchin.











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