It is a whole year since Monkey came to live with me and to celebrate he has invited me round for 'dinner'. I squeeze into the pantry and enjoy a dinner consisting solely of a popular brand of after dinner mints. Monkey sure knows how to celebrate. Me : What I don't understand is how you came to be in the box of tea bags in the first place. Monkey : Well I was visiting the PG Tips factory on the day they were packing up the free gifts of replica monkeys and I accidentally fell into one of the boxes and ended up being shipped to Sainsburys. Me : And then I turned up and popped you in my trolley. Monkey : You spent quite a lot of time looking in all the boxes to see which monkey had the nicest face so I winked at you. Me : You didn't ! Anyway why did you wait until we were going to Wembley to start talking to me ? Monkey : I spent two months observing you then on the big day you were looking a bit nervous and kept bursting into tears before we even got to the ground. Me : I did not burst into tears, I was just a bit weepy because last time I went to Wembley I had mi old dad with me. Monkey : And then you nearly had a fight with a steward about the buses, I felt you needed looking after. Maureen : What are you doing to that lovely canary that Auntie Delia gave you R.Tiverton ? R.Tiverton : I am poking it hard and then I am going to send it down a mine and the gas will make it very poorly and that will serve it right. Maureen : That son of yours needs to see a psychiatrist. He was never like this until you started taking him to the football. Monkey ( looking at me ) : He's not the only one who ought to see a psychiatrist is he ?
Now that explains a lot!!!! I know a good psychiatrist he doesn't say much and looks a bit like an old worn out teddy bear....
