Porridge - it's like an alien life form

You put a few oats in the pan, much less than a usual bowl of cereals, cover them with milk and put it on the hob. As it comes up to the boil it starts thickening, so you pour on more milk, but it continues to thicken, so you pour on more and more and more and more. The pan's full, but it still needs more milk! You're swimming in porridge, you've got enough to feed the entire village, you've used all the milk in the house that you bought for the entire week, you've stolen pints from neighbours doorsteps but it still needs more! You lose your wife in a sea of porridge, it's filled the entire kitchen, it's flowing out of the house and down the street like the lava from Vesuvius, but it's still too thick and it still needs more milk!

Er, I've just had porridge for breakfast.

"Ye cannae put milk on porridge. Dya not ken what ye doing? Ye mek porridge wi water and salt." - Arabian Ian

 

Never made it in a pan I just use those sachets that you fill up to the line with milk and put it in the microwave.

I don't know how people eat it all the time though, it tastes how I imagine milky asbestos would taste.

 

That could be because you use those sachets that you put in the microwave?

 

HaHa Nice 1 Jay. LIKE.

 

Ordinary porridge oats, milk, honey, half a banana and cinnamon. 2 mins in the microwave, sorted. Been my breakfast all week. Don't know why people buy the sachets.

 

I make it in the microwave but just can't get it right. No matter what I do I either end up with oat soup or red hot almost-set concrete.

 

So they use artificial flavourings so I don't have to put crap in like fresh banana and honey!

 

It's why I use a measuring cup now. also, because I've got a high wattage microwave 900 watts (most instructions are for 750w) I just put it in for 1 min 40. I said 2 mins earlier cause that should be right for a 750w

 

Fletch, Godber, Mr Mackay,Mr Barrowclough, Lukewarm, Grouty, Orrible Ives....Brilliant.

 

Ha, water is the only way, porridge with milk.......that just for women ;lol
used to put salt on it but salt is evil now isn't it.....ha

 

An ex girl friend of mine put salt in, dirty cow.

 

Where is TFP when you need him?

 

homosexual.

 

Porridge is brilliant. Hard work cleaning out the pan. Nicest with semi-skimmed milk. With a bit of jam or marmalade on top. Quakers is best but the sachets are quite nice also.

 

Am I too late to mention Spoff?!

I love covering the wife in my filthy porridge.