I've had a brilliant idea. All matches should be free to get in, but you pay to get out, 20p per minute. The longer you stay, the more it costs. Each time we score, the price goes up by £5. Each time the opposition score, it goes down by £5. If an opposition player gets a red cad, the price goes up by £2. If we get a corner, the price goes up by 50p, and so on. If it's a boring nowt apiece match, with no red cards, no corners, nowt at all happening, it will cost you £18 if you stay to the end. If we win 4-0 it will cost you £38. If we lose 3-0 it will cost you £3. Can't see the problem myself.......
Yes, very simple. On entry everyone will be issued with a smart card, programmed for that single event - a bit like those room cards you get at most hotels these days. Real-time match data will be fed up to the dedicated Oakwell satellite which will be orbiting above Grove Street every match day. On leaving the ground you enter the "exit zone" (imagine a sheep shearing pen on a farm). The match data will be instantly downloaded to your card which will be inserted in the turnstile card reader. Your bank account will then be debited, or credited, with the appropriate amount. **Note that no one will be allowed inside Oakwell unless they have a bank account and the details of that account will be registered with Barnsley Football Club. Now, where do I patent this idea? I think I am on to a winner
Noooo, you can't take my words out of context like that I'm not fed up anyway. I've spent most of my adult life exiled and have missed so many great days, home and away, that I am determined to make up for lost time now. This will be my fourth consecutive season with a season ticket so all is fine from my point of view. I know that's not the case for everybody but there's nothing I can do about that.
That's a really nice offer of you to get the beer in, looking forward to sampling my bottle. Thank you.