Questions answered

Technicalities to blame for missing out on transfer targets

An undercover investigation has revealed that Barnsley FC were seconds away from securing the services of Chopra, Foster and that other one from Man U, but a printer error meant contracts could not be issued.

After calling in technical support to sort out the problem the ‘players in waiting’ were told that they might have to wait 6-8 weeks for a new ink cartridge to be delivered, because Staples, the preferred supplier, was also out of stock.

The 3 players reluctantly agreed, as long as they had a special clause that would allow them to pursue other options in the mean time. This clause was written in spit on a black board in the changing rooms.

Every effort was made to issue hand written contracts, however half way through writing Chopra’s 3 year deal, the only biro at the club ran out. Although the clubs media guru, Rob Knowles, offered to run out to WH Smiths and buy a new one, Gordon Shepherd who’s financial prudence has helped stabilise Barnsley FC, was not available to sign the petty cash release forms.

The club issued the following statement ‘via email’

‘Barnsley Football club would like to ask it’s fans to be patient. We will definitely have a new printer cartridge in the next 5 weeks and we will then turn our attention to strengthening the squad ready for next seasons Championship campaign.

Rather then worrying about the future, the fans are being reminded to think about Barnsley’s recent success at Cardiff and that Hayes penalty, which was ace.

We’ve also run out of large home shirts’

 

Are you sure

That Gordon Shephard was unavailable to sign the petty cash form in order to buy another biro? I thought you said the only biro at the club had run out so wouldn't that mean that we didn't even have a biro to enable the petty cash form to be signed to allow us to buy another biro?

 

RE: Are you sure

good point. I think he was going to scratch it with a match and use the carbon copy for the accounts.

 

RE: Are you sure


hows that for lateral thinking!!

 

Exemplary pickiness

Even by your abnormally high standards.

Perhaps we could get a biro in on loan that's not making the grade at another Championship side.

 

Agreed. Vintage ES.

 

A biro? We can't afford a biro!

We'll have to settle for a short term loan on a bic.

 

We could send someone down to William Hill's

to nick one of those little pens they have!

 

RE: Are you sure

But carbon is injury prone? Surely a scratch on Carbon would put him out for the season? Then who'd want him?

 

Woo-hoo! Problem sorted!

We can use our 5p from the ITV digital "pay-out" to buy a bic, or at least a timeshare of one!

Watch the signings come rolling in now.