Random poem generator

Sparked by Burgundy Red's current poem predicament, I dug out my old amstrad CPC464 (with built in tape deck) and began programming a poem generator. There's a few flaws obviously, but if somebody needs a poem, give me the following details and I'll see how it goes:

Who is the poem for (their name preferably)
something unique about them
Something you have in common
The message you wish to convey (love, a proposal, you're chucked etc)
your bank account information and pin numbers

 

Here goes

Who is the poem for (their name preferably)
Conchita

something unique about them
Hairy teeth

Something you have in common
We both have previous convictions

The message you wish to convey (love, a proposal, you're chucked etc)
"I'd love to comb your teeth again, like we did last summer"

your bank account information and pin numbers
Lloyds TSB
Market Hill, Nr Old No.7 Pub, Barnsley
Current A/c: 19652006
Sort Code:69-66-99
 

 

Tommy Wright</p>

1. &quot;Professional footballer&quot;
2. I'm his boss
3. I love him
4. Bank Details :-

Andy Richtea</p>

Royal Bank of Patrick Cryne</p>

Barnsley Football Club</p>

Account number 1 10V3 H0LD3N</p>

 

RE: Here goes

Excellent start AIRy thanks.

Okay it'll be a while until the tape loads up the programme, so give it 20 minutes. Stupidly as part of the loading sequence, I decided to use a particularly complex picture of a 2 dimensional square with the word 'poems' on it, so it takes ages to load it up.

Anyway in the meantime why not post me a link to your on-line banking service and give me the passwords? It's all part of the complex poem writing process.

 

RE: Here goes

Conchita, conchita, conchita, conchita
We went to prison for nicking a windcheater*
I brushed your hairy teeth vigorously, with my rock hard <syntax error; line 110>
And I'd like to do it again as the wifes away in August


* available from Millets

 

RE: Here goes

How's that work then? There was a syntax error on that poem when I posted it.

I'm literally frightened.

 

Now IOWT: much as I approve of the results, in what way is writing a poem generator any less gay than planting strawberries?

 

Easy

It can be used for seducing women, which is obviously my intent.

No doubt AIRy will be brushing Conchita's teeth come August if he sends her that poem in a card or something.

Gardening however, impresses noone. Except maybe Michael Flatley.

 

Ah, but there are other ways to a woman's heart

What if Conchita likes strawberries? Perhaps she gets turned on by the feel of the pulp against her teeth.

 

RE: Ah, but there are other ways to a woman's heart

Granted, Conchita does sound weird, so maybe you might attract her.

Some kind of *** hag or something.

 

You've got me worried now

Maybe I am, otherwise wouldn't I be able to put up a better argument? Even if I'm not (and I don't think I am) I'm beginning to wonder whether it would be easier to BECOME gay than to persuade you that I'm not. It's a dilemma, that's for sure.

Don't know how I'm going to break it to the missus. Maybe you could write me another poem to explain it to her, in the completely un-gay way that you do?

 

RE: You've got me worried now

Give me 30 minutes, I'm off to get my nails done then I'll see what the old Amstrad has to offer.

For future reference though, I think the heterosexual way of arguing this point would be to offer me outside for a fight or swear a lot.

 

OK

Shoot! Would you like to go outside with me?

How's that?

Catch you after your manicure, darling. (2gay)

 

here then

Who is the poem for (their name preferably)
Dirk Hartog

something unique about them
He's in love with a dog

Something you have in common
We've both shagged a frog

The message you wish to convey (love, a proposal, you're chucked etc)
He smells like the bog

your bank account information and pin numbers
I keep my money in a log

good luck, it may be tricky

 

That account number's a digit out, Airey.

 

RE: Here goes

I've just cried.  That's the most beautiful thing ever written.  Did you do it in BASIC?