Scouting report for new manager

This is what you get (if you mess with us):

1. Colgan - suffers from rootedtolineitis - condition enhances reflexes but leads to rejection of religious artefacts (especially crosses).6
2.Hassell - it's out of a bottle. The offspring's favourite player, so 6
3. Heckingbottom - couldn't afford the whole bottle. Can be alarmingly bad. Lucky to be left footed.4
4. Reid - struggling in higher league but passes for midfield cover too. Genuine. 5
6 Healy - slow turning circle. Presently inflicting losses elsewhere. Refuse to re-admit.4
7. Togwell - the boy with the finger in the dam. Functional 6
8. Hayes - most skillful at club but cannot play in any recognizable position - 6
11. Howard - busy type with a certain talent. See what you think 6
12. McParland - seen rarely. May not actually be a footballer if recent MKDons performance typifies 1
14. Austin - name suggests type of performance. Occasionally surprises. 4
15. Kay - difficult to warm to but probably best of the lot 7
16. Kell - lacks the basics for the game i.e two legs 0
17. Wroe - runs and plays like he's carrying his newborn to intensive care 3
19. Tonge - celebration better than performance 4
20 Williams - provide scrum cap and send to Wildcats 4
21 Richards - Circulate video of last season's Forest away game and sell upon receipt of first enquiry 4
22. Letheren - considered worse than an Italian child who couldn't catch or punch 4
23. Nardiello - may have body odour problems - is certainly unfavoured for covert reason. Worth a try 6
24 Coulson - already seems to sport Carl Airey backback. 4
25. Devaney - Riding School of Vienna meets the marching SS on speed.No stamina 5
27. Jarman - Surname suggests suitable alternative profession 4
34. McGrory - could be our best player!!! Never seen him. Provisional 10

Some others are out on loan, some are in on loan.

Good luck. You'll need it.

 

good analysis of each player ff ff ff