A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, "Mum am I a real polar bear?" "Of course you are." His mother replied. The young polar bear asked his father. "Dad, am I a real polar bear?" "Yes, you are a real polar bear." A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?" "Yes" said his parents. Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are all my relatives real polar bears?" "Yes, they are all real polar bears." Said his parents. "Why do you ask?" replied his mother. "Because," said the young polar bear, "I'm fking freezing. A year short of retirement, this chap went to the social security office to apply for benefit. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realised he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but: "I'll have to go home and come back later." The woman says: "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says: "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me..." and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, he excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She replied: "You should have dropped your pants too, you might have gotten disability as well!" The police recently arrested a man selling tablets which he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through the files, the police noticed it was the fourth time the man was caught for doing this. He had earlier been arrested in 1798, 1850 and 1909. When the police first arrested Fred West, they asked him if he'd like to admit to any of the alleged murders. He said, "Yeah OK I killed 6 people." Later that day the police go to start digging at the house and eventually find 14 bodies. They went back to the police station to talk to Fred, and they said to him, " I thought you said you killed 6 people". Fred turned and said, "Well what do you expect, I'm a builder, that was only an estimate A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia. The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!" The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons; 1, It's none of your damn business; 2, She was my wife; and..... 3, I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!" The defendant and his lawyer are in the courtroom, the man being charged with theft. The lawyer tells the crusty old judge, "My lord, my client has produced receipts for, firstly, the high speed modem." "High-speed modem?" questions the judge. "Yes" replies the lawyer, "It allows computers to communicate over vast distances at high rates of speed. It allows email and something called cybersex in AOL chatrooms, your honor." "Cybersex?" says the judge, "You mean sex through a modem? You mean sex on a monitor? Good lord, the morals of this society! Sex should be a natural event of nature!" "Secondly, my lord," continues the lawyer, "My client can produce a receipt for the 12-speed cd-rom." "12-speed cd-rom?" queries the judge. "Yes my lord, it enables millions of bits of information to be read off a small disk." "And I suppose most of this *information* is cybersex related... Modern technology and modern society, baffling, just baffling," comments the judge. "I'm appalled at what technology is doing to society these days." "Thirdly my lord, my client can produce a receipt for the super deluxe inflatable milk maid, whatever *that* is." "That's the one with the silicone breasts and real hair," replies the judge
