Song for Simon Davey ... it had to be done:

"Simon Davey"
To the tune of "In the Navy", by Wayne's favourite group - The Village People

Who can teach the whole squad - how to say "yes" & nod,
If you say "no" – you are out?
Who can employ more staff than the whole British RAF,
But the fans still have their doubts.
Who won’t talk to dee-dars – signs only midfielders,
Has a lovely dossier?
Who looks like a menace – doesn’t like head tennis,
Taught our team how not to play?

Simon Davey, oh – he’s dumpy and he’s Welsh
Simon Davey, yes, he looks like he’s been felched
Simon Davey, he’s quite dull and monotone
Simon Davey, quick – get Gordy on the phone.
Simon Davey, wants to cast off Ritchie’s boys
Simon Davey, hope he gets loved with sex toys,
Simon Davey, he fell out with David Moyes.
Simon Davey, Simon Davey.

He wants you! He wants you! He wants you, if you’re in League Two.

If you like adventure don't you wait to enter
The Oakwell revolving door,
Talent doesn’t matter – Robbie's getting fatter;
Did Leon Knight ever score?.

Simon Davey, oh – he’s never won a thing
Simon Davey, yes, he’s dirt cheap, Gord, kerching
Simon Davey, looks like a Lovingstone’s wench
Simon Davey, signed twenty players for the bench.
Simon Davey, has a GCE in Maths
Simon Davey, courted Gord with fancy graphs
Simon Davey, his formations make us laugh.
Simon Davey, Simon Davey.

He wants you! He wants you! He wants you, if you’re in League Two.
He wants you! He wants you! He wants you, if you’re in League Two.

Simon Davey, oh – we’ll never sing his name
Simon Davey, amazed he’s ever played this game
Simon Davey, has a squad of eighty four
Simon Davey, Mattis cannot kick a ball.
Simon Davey, he won’t talk on Radio
Simon Davey, down to League One we will go
Simon Davey, Steve & Pete aren’t too bad though.
Simon Davey, Simon Davey.

(c) TFP's cack song writers Ltd 1987.

 

Nice one what about Friday Feyt Neet

Davey vs Hayes/Kay et al

 

Just leaving.

Lets see who Davey upsets next week & I'll do it next Friday - as I've not done one for ages.

Simon Davey, he's upset poor Hayes & Kay
Simon Davey, they'd like to cave in his bomb bay
Simon Davey, then in midfield Robbie will play
Simon Davey, Simon Davey.

He wants thee, he wants thee - he wants thee, for therteh six pee.

 

Hehe...

Good stuff.

 

You bloody well leave me out of this one!

 

May I say we need more of this thoughtful musical singy songy poetry. When he has more time I hope that TFP may turn his hand to an (obviously more highbrow) reworking of the classic "Simple Simon Says" as I first heard delivered by the 1910 Fruitgum Co. which I believe our manager now uses to inspire those squad members that have not yet moved to the mere instruction of "Simon Says"(Kay, Hayes etc.)
Simon is I believe sticking to the original classic lyrics - witness the dutiful Ferenczi obligingly responding to "Put your hands in the air", at Southampton.
Furthermore, there are I am advised more songs in the pipeline - Status Quo's classic "Down Down" and "Jilted John" purely for a fresh reworking of the line "Gordon is a moron".
My own personal favourite would however be to witness a revival of "Blockbuster" by Sweet, with Simon and Gordon in glam/drag looking solemnly at the camera and howling "We just haven't got a clue what to do".
More please TFP