Song for SM, Dirk & TM ...

"Joey Deacon"
To the tune of "Common People" by Pulp

He came from Wombwell with his Mother, Rita
We all saw him one night on Blue Peter
That's where he – was spackee
His helper looked a little dodgy
I said "I bet your commentary’s just like Lodgey”
He said "uurggghh"
And then in 30 seconds time I said:

I want to live like Joey Deacon
I want to do whatever Joey Deacon does
I want to slav with Joey Deacon
I want to sleep on Joey’s backy bus

Well what else could he do?
He said "uuurrhh aaahhhh oooohhh"

I took him to a BBS night
I don't know how, but he beat Omen in a fight
Though his pants he *****
I said "pretend you've got no piss bag"
But he just gurned
And got dry loved by Red Rag
I said "Ooohhh”
Straight in Joey D's poop chute

I’m dead sure …

I want to live like Joey Deacon
I want to see whatever Joey Deacon sees
I want to sound like Joey Deacon
I want an orange pass - no more parking fees

But he didn't want to know
He just let his bowels go

Rent a chair that goes dead slow
Cut my hair like a spazmo
Wear my nasty knitted top
Have a massive Hartog rop
But still I just can’t get it right
'cos when I’m laid in bed at night
Trying hard to bite my ear
I just look like Jay dressed up for New Year

I'll never live like Joey Deacon
I'll never think whatever Joey Deacon thinks
I'll never claw like Joey Deacon
I'll never **** myself 'til it stinks …
… and then piss, then ****, then piss
I look too much like Hilary Briss

Sing along with Joey Deacon
Sing along and it might just get you through
Laugh along with Joey Deacon
Laugh along although he’s laughing at you
And the stupid things that you do
Because you think that Joey’s cool

Rent a flat with stannah stairs
Put my socks in daft odd pairs
Wear grey farrahs, y-front kecks
Pretend I’ve cellotaped my specks
But still I never get it right
'cause when I’m sat alone at night
Thinking of this songs next verse
I realise that TM still looks worse
Yeah

I'll never live like Joey Deacon
I'll never blog whatever Joey Deacon blogs
I'll never fit like Joey Deacon
I'll never look like blade defender Mogs
Or have modified spaz bogs
I’ll just go back to hanging dogs

 

very catchy,

 bit like herpease</p>

 

That's the one.

 

That's what Hartog has.

He claims it's "her-please".

Or summat.

Sucky f ucky.
Five dollar.
Six dollar for dwarf.

 

RE: That's what Hartog has.

her piss.

 

RE: That's what Hartog has.

Whore peas.

Runny green stuff that comes from the bell when one has been frottering with Ladies from Prestwich.