Starving Britons reduced to eating Road Kill

…..according to one of our major newspapers at the weekend.

Well, I was starving today, so I thought ballax, I’m gonna have some of that. Save me a mint.

Didn’t fancy the idea of shovelling some manky, picked over badger with tyre marks across it into an old bag on the dual carriageway so I opted for the afternoon in a lay-by with the engine running, hoping to rush an unsuspecting pheasant strolling across the road.

Unfortunately my beat up, underpowered old Astra, which I can’t afford to upgrade or insure, just wasn’t fast enough in the final third.

So – I’m afraid it’s turnip salad, nicked by torchlight for dinner again.

It was only when I was picking the caterpillars off my little gem that I realised I had used about a gallon of unleaded, the cost of which would have bought us a hot ready to eat chicken from Asda, with enough left for a small bag of spuds and a bottle of Lambrini from the chiller.

FFS – Life’s hard!

Pheasants – don’t you just hate the b astards!