Team Building Complete - Sensational Swiop

Following the sale of Mason Holgate for an 'undisclosed fee' Barnsley Head Coach Lee Johnson expressed his delight at being given transfer funds that have allowed him to sign young star Malfoy aged 4 on loan from Altrincham united's Academy. Lee said " I am over the moon with this capture while Its obviously not ideal that Malfoy won't be able to play on Saturday's because he has swimming lessons or on Tueday's as its past his bed time he is definitely the final piece in the jigsaw". Following his earlier signings of two unborn children Johnson said 'Malfoy is the older head we have been looking for". "The two embryos literally have time to develop and blossom and the club have gone all out on a limb to support me by giving them 9 month contracts".

A club spokesman revealed that the rest of the transfer received would be ploughed in to a matrices that would allow the club to evaluate a players ability to within 500 decimal places. The James Cryne statically model is pretty foolproof the club confirmed. The club needed to act after the departure of Future England Captain John Stones for 15p and a used condom. How were we to know that a player called Future England Captain John Stones would be any good without the matrices said the spokesman. I know all those involved in football said he was the best prospect we have had and all our fans we fully aware of it but our old policy was to ask a blind deaf 98 year who has never been to a match to evaluate our players and that was clearly flawed. The spokesman went on to deny that the James Cryne statistical model had anything to do with owner Patrick Cryne's son James. It's pure coincidence said the spokesman the lad lives in Elsecar so there's no way he could be travelling all that way to turn the big computer on. The name of the project is just pure coincidence it was confirmed.

Chief Executive Ben Mansford took reds fan Whitey out for a pint. whitey who has recently had solar panels installed on his forehead said Ben has assured me we are building for the future. Whitey said With the 2 embryos on board and Malfoy Ben has assured me we are not far away from having a full team that will be competitive at Conference North level in a few years time.

When pressed on other matters Ben confirmed that the club planned to have a scoreboard at the ground by early in the 22nd Century. We don't want to rush into things and we are planning to have a scorecard powered by angels so it takes time.

Meanwhile in news from the Supporters Trust it has been revealed that after extensive lobbying and work with the Supporter Liasion Officers the problem of bird **** on seats has been solved by issuing club legend Norman Rimmington with a spuggy gun. Norman will be shooting any bird that goes near the seats from now on. It was also revealed that Linton Brown has sold advertising space on the back of every supporter to local firm 'Mugs Are Us'. As part of the sponsorship deal all fans will be issued with weed killer after it was revealed the only reason Barnsley didn't sign Messi and Ronaldo this summer was the weeds growing at the Ponty end.

 

lol Ya Bellend.

 

Very good.

 

Made a **** morning at work more bearable for me .

 

Very very good!
Take a now sir

 

That's a bow

 

That's great , nice early morning laugh to myself


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I will take that as a compliment.

 

I shall take both.