Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day > resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?" > > God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what > I've made" said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" > > "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to > call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." > > "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. > > God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, > > "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and > wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over > there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. > Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a > continent of black people." > > God continued, pointing to the different countries. > > This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very > cold and covered in ice." > > The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area > of land and asked, "What's that?" > > "Ah," said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place > on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams > in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of > the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers > and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be > modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found > travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and > high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as > speakers of truth." > > Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What > about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!" > > God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm > putting down South !
