A voice says "Nice haircut sir" Looking round, the man sees no-one. Then the barman comes and the guy orders a pint. The barman disappears. "Nice tie sir" said the voice. The guy looks all around him, but there is no-one there are all. He carries on drinking his pint. "Lovely pair of shoes sir" said the voice. By this time the guy is getting quite agitated, but then the barman comes back in. The guy asks the barman about the voice. "That will be the peanuts sir" said the barman "They're complimentary"
This horse walks into a bar Orders a pint. "Eight pounds fifty please" says the barmaid. The horse pays up and starts supping. Intrigued, the barmaid sidles up to the horse and smiles sweetly. "We don't get many horses in here" she says "I'm not surprised, at these fecking prices" says the horse.
This White horse walks into a bar and the landlord says "Weve got a whiskey named after you" The Horse says "what Ken"
A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?" The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor." The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar. Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three. The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."
A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not heard of that one before, is it new?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, " I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."
Bloke walks into a bar With an ostrich and a cat.</p> Orders a pint and a whisky chaser for all 3. The bill comes to £16.86. The bloke has the exact money.</p> Then the ostrich does the same.</p> When it's the cat's turn the cat just orders 3 halves of lager.</p> This happens all night, the bloke ordering, having just the right money everytime, then the ostrich ordering and then the cat.</p> This happens 3 nights on the trot, eventually the barman's curiosity gets the better of him and he asks what's going on.</p> </p> "Well" the bloke says. " A few weeks ago my Gran died. I was clearing out her house when I found an old lamp. Of course I rubbed it just to see, and out pops a genie. I was granted 3 wishes. The first thing I asked for was that whenever I bought anything I'd always have the right amount of money - house, car, beer, whatever"</p> "Sounds good" says the barman.</p> "That's when I f-cked up" says the bloke.</p> "How" asks the barman</p> "For my next wish I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy"</p>
