Today, I punched a cow in the face - puppy update

The puppy won't **** anywhere but in the garden. Doesn't matter how long I take him out for a walk, he won't have a ****, but does one in the garden the minute we get back. Today I thought, "I show the little fcuker". We left the house about 10, got home about 20 minutes ago. He won.

On our walk we crossed a field of cows. They don't like dogs and I don't blame them. About a dozen encircled us and started moving in. The advice is to let go of the dog, which the cows will chase and you'll be fine. I din't fancy the dogs chances, so it was very tempting, but I didn't really want to explain to my wife that cows had killed her puppy. I couldn't help but think she'd bring up the fact that it was me that put the puppy in the same field as the cows in the first place. So I picked him up, walked up to the the biggest fcuker, smacked it straight on the nose and shouted at them to **** off. Which they did. At great speed.

So that's what I do now, I fight ******* cows. On the plus side, I'm undefeated.

 

'Dear Compassion in World Farming....'

 

poor little bugger probably thinks its whats right he'll have been walking about all day thinking chuff me if he doesn't get me back soon I'm going to disgrace myself

 

You do realise the first public ***** the pup does will have the consistency of gravy...good luck cleaning that up

 

There was a very apparent reason. They were going to trample us and kill us. I might have underplayed it above, but they were being very aggressive.

 

*******s the lot of yer, I'm getting weird looks on a train whilst chuckling at my phone.

 

Pissing myself at the image of you smacking the f.cker & then brushing that daft hair out of your eyes after whilst looking to make sure no one was watching.

 

I bet the cow went away in a bad moo....d.

 

I'm sure there's a song knocking about with regards to a "cow puncher"; or maybe it's a cow puncher's daughter?:biggrin:

 

Funniest thread of the day!

Hope there was no CCTV coverage of this assault on the cow. Could be one of those embarrassing news items that appears in the News of the World, or Yahoo's front page blog section.

"Today, an unknown man somewhere in Yorkshire was seen to punch a cow on the nose. It is not known at this stage if the cow will be taking legal action"

 

Were you in Blazing Saddles

 

Our dog gets some very lengthy walkage out of me. But 9 times out of 10 he waits until we've left a field/grassed area etc before unloading. So often now that I'm convinced he does it deliberately. Last month, we'd been out for around four hours, we stopped at a pub halfway, it was a lovely day. We got home, I let him off the lead as we walked up the drive and he unloaded on the front lawn. Staring at me.

I love him.

 

Proper pissin' missen there, post of the year Jay

Thanks

 

So Jay assaults a live animal when he was trespassing on its owners land, it's hilarious and gets numerous replies saying its the funniest thread of the year.

I let my lad on Oakwell pitch and I'm a bad parent.

This fookin forum is fecked up?!?!?

 

You'd have done better if you punched your lad in the face

 

Well I just thought it was a funny story but I don't really believe it happened. I don't think a punch on the nose would register that much on a cow but I might be wrong.

Invading a football pitch though is just wrong. Time and time again it just causes trouble. The thick idiots that all football clubs have on the terraces just see it as a perfect excuse to do some damage to either the away fans or opposition players.

But you carry on telling us it's just kids having a bit of fun.

 

Therein lies the problem with a certain group on the BBS! Thanks