Todays Random thing from me...(its up to you0

What load of ***** shall we talk about today to lighten the mood.

I was thinking embarrassing moments. but who will admit to any ?

I once went out on a night on the town with the wife, got home had a really good night and was caught in the act taking a piss in her knicker draw, ( I thought I was still out in a club)

which is bad enough, only to find out about 6 months later I almost has a wee in the wardrobe, she caught me before i managed to splash it every where.

"she screamed at the top of her voice, you better not be doing what I think"

to my reply," no babes i'm lost on the way"

anyway...

 

When living in a shared house in Bradford, my mate in the next room always kept a big water jug by his bed. I awoke in the early hours after a heavy session, stumbled stark bollock naked in to his room, took his jug, pissed in it and put it back. I have no recollection of this, but his girlfriend was sleeping over. I'd woken her up and she saw the whole thing.

 

For those newish members that don't know, my embarrassing event happened in the early hours on the morning of our FA cup semi-final against Cardiff at Wembley.

I was in a cheap seedy hotel in London. It was described as en suite, but the toilet was outside the room with a second door to the outside. About 4am I got up, not a stich on, went for a pee. The door closed behind me. I found myself bollok naked locked out of my room. Anything of any use (mobile, clothes etc) was locked in my room. I thought to myself "I urgently need a plan B here".

Fortunately, my ex-wife was in another room a few floors up. I ripped a net curtain off the wall and wrapped myself in it, then rushed upstairs and banged on her door. Seeing the situation from her side, she was reluctant to let me in! Eventually she capitulated and laughed herself silly when she opened the door. She then went to reception (which was across the road in another hotel) and got a spare key for my room.

I just wish that Kayode had been as good as I was at putting it in the net.

True story.

 

Of course it's a true story. No one would be daft enough to make something like that up!

 

I was asleep at home a couple of years back , got up a pretty heavy session in town with the lads and proceeded to somehow walk out of the front door, it of course slammed behind me, yale lock closed and im now in the foyer area of my block of flats stood in my pants.... brilliant, how the hell did i get here i thought and then how the hell do i get back inside! the girlfriend at the time was away and i was well and truly shafted......

so i get a great idea... the ex wife lived about a mile away..... off i trot in the said same pair of boxers down the road, round the corner etc etc..... ive no idea of the actual time at this stage and luckily or unluckily only about 5 cars passed me as our village is pretty quiet, however all 5 took great glee in tooting the chuffing horn and taking the piss instead of giving me a lift( mind i wouldn't stop for a drunk man in his pants either!)

so i arrive at the ex wife's and proceed to hammer the door down like a police raid... she gets up and seeing its me unleashes hell and fury not seen since biblical times, i storm past her and throw myself down on the sofa and fall asleep, snoring, farting etc like a drunk man does.

come the morning i wake up and not remembering much wonder why the hell my feet are in bits and im on the sofa in my ex wifes house.... in just my pants, suffice to say another argument followed and later and i walked back to my flat dressed like an escaped mental patient and i humbly apologise to any escaped mental patients here as it was not a pretty sight....

now heres the killer.... as i got back my mate from the top floor was at his door..... i told him what had happened and when he's stopped pissing himself he went and got my spare key which id given him 3 months earlier...... if only ... if only.....

i'l save for another day the time i walked around manchester city center in my boxers at 4am....

 

Brilliant! Ex-wives have their uses after all!

 

One that happen to a mate of mine (honestly it wasn't me before anyone starts), My mates Mrs had gone out for the night and he didn't expect her back until the early hours so he decided to watch a bit of porn on sky, unfortunately he never heard her key in the lock all he heard was her closing the door, so in a blind panic he dives for the remote to hit any button... so anyhoo his Mrs catches him, trousers pulled down toilet roll by his side and 2 sailors going at it hammer and tong....I'll leave the story of him coming pissed and getting in bed with his mum, the stopping at his brothers house and stripping the wallpaper of the newly decorated house while sleep walking or causing blind panic on a plane by screaming FIRE! FIRE! While been fast asleep stories for another day

 

Guys please keep them coming. Having a laugh at these.

 

When my daughter was 5, she got a kiddies make up set for xmas and ofc wanted to paint everyones nails, so we let her. I carried on drinking and forgot all about it. Even the day after, slightly hungover, i never noticed and after some snap headed off into town to meet the lads before our boxing day game. Needless to say my mates noticed my multi coloured finger nails straight away. Still take the piss now a few years later :redface: