Transfers - the truth at last.....

Robbed from that well known source of truth - football rumours !!


Firstly can I just say what a fantastic site this is and each and every one of the rumours are greatly anticipated and thouroughly enjoyed. I would guess that probably about 20% are remotely accurate though. This has got to be one of the funniest sites on the entire net. I'm a Liverpool fan (for my sins) and according to some of the alleged rumours on here, Liverpool are to be taken over by Richard Branson and are going to sign Tevez (because someone apparently saw him somewhere in the vicinity of liverpool with Mascherano the other week), and Aguerro (because we got first refusal on him as we "GAVE" Luis Garcia to Atletico Madrid). And that's just for starters!!! Oh and I almost forgot this will all be happpening as we like to say on here "in the next few days". I can't wait, English, no universal football domination awaits!!!!! Cant wait to see Stevie G marauding around Anfield striking fear into the opposition with "VIRGIN" plastered all over his chest. LOL.

This is a tranfer rumour site. Ok the definition of the word rumour according to the concise english dictionary is, "Popular report, hearsay (not the band), common talk, a current story without any known authority" No mention of Championhip Manager or Fifa!!!

So when you read "The step brother of my second cousin, twice removed saw a car like Zidanes parked outside our local chippy the other day in Lincoln" don't expect to see the newspaper headlines any time soon with a photo of ZiZu holding a lincoln flag above his head and a quote saying "I want to help take Lincoln to the Champions League"
Or when someone writes a simple "in's and out's" list showing the entire squad allegedly being sold this summer for £970 million quid, which incidentally is enough to purchase Real Madrid's entire team of galacticos its probably not true. (Although Manchester City no doubt will have a darn good go!)
Oh and one last thing, the ones who list a bunch of players that although may well be fantastico on Champ manager or fifa but either are unheard of or actually don't exist (Cause when you wrote in you forgot your actually on season 2021–2022 and they aint even born yet!!!!!) And no, the manger of your beloved club won't read this and think, "Hey this guys good, ill give him a job as a scout"

Anyway as its silly season I got something for you, and this is dead cert, next couple of days suff!!

Last weekend I saw a bloke who looked the ringer for Bill Gates buying a Doughnut in a shop in Bristol. (Its near where I live)so im guessing next week he is going to buy Bristol City.(for about £50 and a free copy of Microsoft Windows Vista for every member of the current Board). He will however be adopting a new transfer policy, sacking all the clubs scouts and recruiting several of the worlds greatest scientists. Their job I hear you ask? To built a time Machine, thus enabling Bristol City to buy all the worlds all time greatest players, and heres the good bit, for the prices they would have cost at the time.

So here goes:

Outs:–
The entire squad + Scouts and the tea lady (Cause Bill drinks coffee)

Approx £50 + VAT

Ins:–
Yashin (GK) £100,000
Carlos Alberto (DL) £150,000
Franz Beckenbauer (DC or Libero to purists) £300,00
Bobby Moore (DC) £250,000
Cafu (DR) £5,000,000
Cryuff (ML) £1,000,000
Platini (MC) £2,000,000
Socrates (MC) £1,500,000
Sir Stanley Matthews (MR) £1,000 + 5 footballs (Bargain)
Maradona (ST) £5,000,000
Pele (ST) 1,000,000

Cost of team? £15,000,001 + 5 Footballs

Cost of time machine? £10,000,000,000,000

Having a better team than Man City? Priceless


Of course Bill will also tear down Ashton Gate and build a new 500,000 all seater stadium, not to fill with half a million gleeful bristolians but so he can see his pride and joy from his own private space staion.

It will then become clear that The Glaziers actually borrowed the money to buy Man Utd from him and as he has spent alot of his money on his beloved Bristol city, and a Tattoo with "City Til I Die" on his arse and is forced to ask The Glaziers for his money back (As his mum said so).
Man Utd will then be forced into administration and get relegated to the Blue Square Premier League. Good news tho for Peterborough as Sir Alex will loan all his players to his sons team until Utd are promoted back to the Premier League (by which time they will all have retired anyway except Ryan Giggs who carries on playing til he is 179 as secretly hes a Jedi Master)

Whilst all this happens Mr Abrahamovich becomes increasingly frustrated at not winning the champoins league and after 482 managers in 3 seasons (Jose mourinho 366 times cause he likes sacking him) decides to walk away in a huff and leaves chelsea now facing administration and subsequent relegation to the Blue Square Premier League.

Rafa having picked up the rest of chelsea's players for free still manages to lose the title to Bristol City having also signed another 199 young players with great potential giving him a first team squad of 269 players. (215 being spanish) He decides in his infinite wisdom that after winning the seasons opener with Tottenham 47–0 he would rotate no less than 10 players in each game for the entire season meaning that at "The business end of the season" he will have a fresh squad. Except liverpool will have been knocked out of all the cup competitions by january and will be 10 points adrift at the foot of the table. The entire team will be sold in the january transfer window cause they will be tired of Rafas rotation policy. Mark Hughes subsequently offeres £20 Trillion Billion Million and an Island in the Maldives for the lot and Hicks & Glazier decid now is a good time to give LFC back to the people. Liverpool will subseqently relegated.

Arsenal Manager Arsene Wenger will seize the moment and having a massive £200 million transfer Kitty cause Man city bought all their best players decides to break the mould and go crazy splashing out £100,000 on 21 new players (All French) which will develop into a great team. Problem is Arsene's youth policy has gone mad and the oldest is only 12. He later realises that by the time they are actually old enough to compete as a team Man Utd, Chelsesa and Liverpool will all be back in the premier League. Also a very peeved Sepp Blatter decides you can only feild 1/2 a foreinger per match and so puts the skids under Arsenal and they too will get relegated. Arsene manages to keep hold of his job though as he pulls his usual masterstroke and sells the lot for £60 Trillion quid. (Yep you guessed to Man City)

Harry Redknapp meanwhile will set a new world record for managing all the other 89 league clubs in one season (having quit spurs, not getting man city job cause they still got faith in Mark Hughes breaking into the big four,(even though the big four are now Bristol City, Hull, West Ham and Wigan) and Bristol City bringing Bob Paisley (TOTAL GOD) using the time machine so he can amass a new career total of 89 Champions league titles, 333 Premier Leagues and over take Sir Alex's total so even he can't catch him)

Finally some years later a very bored Roman Abrahamovich will to get back into English football and buy Bristol City's arch rivals Britol Rovers. (FOOL!) After investing heavily in some players he discoveres on Champ Manager 2019–2020 he will take his beloved Rovers to the Even newer Wemley Stadium to play Current Premier League, Champions League, Community Sheild, World Club Cup, Intercontinental Club Cup, and League Cup holders Brisol City.
However it is established that when the two clubs are approached about making Cup Final songs both Mr Gates and Mr Abrhamovich will infact be broke, so to save a few quid they will get together to make a special Cup Final cover of the classic "Two Tribes". Each club owner taking a starring role in the music video. They will then spend the next 3 months rolling around in a sand pit arguing which team is best and generally being stupid. Bristol City win 48–21 after extra time.

Weeks later both men will file for bankrupcy, the clubs will go into administration and yes you guessed, both will be relegated to the Blue Square Premier League. Normality resored.

P.s Mr Perez of Real Madrid will be so impressed with Mark Hughes ability to spend massive amounts of cash and still conspire to win precisely sod all that he will employ him immediately.

Oh and remember this will all DEFINATELY be happening ok.

Just remember until you see someone running around your home stadium in your home kit playing in a bone fide competition don't believe the hype!!!