Well it was a good day yesterday...

Daniel Ejike wrote to me wanting to send me a cheque for $950,000 for my assistance with some matter I seem to have forgotten about.

GP.Capt Chidpong wants to share US$9.523Million Dollars with me if I can help him get it out of Iraq. (The poor man has survived 6 suicide bombings - I'm not sure if he was the one doing the bombing but who am I to question a man who is so generous?).

And finally, last night, Volkswagen informed me that i'd won £450K in a competition i never entered.

Who falls for this ****?

 

Just Going Through My Spam Emails (Here's A Few)

We are happy to announce that you are one of our Lucky Four(4) Star Prize Winner in this months edition of the MBIPInternational Online Promotion held on November 2007 in England. This makes you a proud owner of a Brand New Mercedes S series Car and a cash amount of Eight Hundred and FifteenThousand, Five Hundred and Two Pounds Sterling.

I am facilitating for a private investor who wants to Invest money in long-term business venture under your management/ supervision as an investment partner and consultant. You will be required to; Receive, Invest and manage the funds in any profitable venture of you deem best. The amount to be invested is US$27.5Million. We are Willing to give 15% (Negotiable) as participation fee/ commssion for receiving and investing the money. 10% of annual investment (85% of total funds) profit as "Management Commission" on your advised & managed investment. We expect your prompt response stating how and where you plan to invest the funds as well with the following information for immediate communication: 1. Full Names and Address, 2. Tel, Fax and Cell phone numbers. I look forward to your prompt response while advising that you ask questions if andwhere you have any. Please feel free to ask question if and where you have any.

RELEASE OF YOUR OVER DUE CONTRACT/INHERITANCE FUNDS. THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR OVER DUE INHERITANCE FUNDS HAS BEENGAZETTE TO BE RELEASED, VIA KEY TELEX TRANSFER (KTT) -DIRECT WIRETRANSFER TO YOU THROUGH ANY OF OUR CORRESPONDENT BANK NOMINATED BY THE SENATE COMMITTEE FOR FOREIGN OVER DUE FUND TRANSFER. MEANWHILE, AWOMAN CAME TO MY OFFICE FEW DAYS AGO WITH A LETTER, CLAIMING TO BEYOUR TRUE REPRESENTATIVE. HERE ARE HER INFORMATION FOR YOU TO CONFIRMTO THIS OFFICE IF THIS WOMAN IS TRULY FROM YOU OR NOT AS THE FEDERALGOVERNMENT WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING INTO THE WRONGACCOUNT NAME:NAME JANET WHITEBANK NAME: CITI BANKBANK ADDRESS: ARIZONA, USA.ACCOUNT NUMBER: 6503809428. PLEASE, DO RECONFIRM TO THIS OFFICE, AS A MATTER OF URGENCY IF THISWOMAN IS FROM YOU. YOU ARE REQUESTED TO FILL AND SEND THIS INFORMATIONFOR VERIFICATIONS PURPOSES SO THAT YOUR FUND VALID US$4.5M US DOLLARSWILL BE REMITTED INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT. THIS FUND IS AS ARESULT OF INHERITANCE ON YOUR BEHALF. INFORMATION NEEDED FROM YOU FORVERIFICATION IS AS FOLLOW: 1. YOUR NAME:2. YOUR FULL ADDRESS:3. YOUR TELEPHONE/ FAX :4. AGE:5. SEX:6. YOUR OCCUPATION YOU CAN EQUALLY RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT BY CHOOSEN FROM THE BELLOW OPTIONS1) INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT; Send your mailing address.2) DIRECT WIRE TRANSFER TO YOUR BANK; Send your banking details. AS SOON AS WE RECEIVE THIS, WE WILL COMMENCE WITH ALL NECESSARYPROCEDURES IN OTHER TO REMIT THIS MONEY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. THE OFFICEOF THE PRESIDENCY, THE SENATE COMMITTEE FOR FOREIGN OVER DUEINHERITANCE FUND HAVE APPROVED AND ACCREDITED THIS REPUTABLE BANK WITHTHE OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR, INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE/FOREIGNOPERATIONS,TO HANDLE AND TRANSFER ALL FOREIGN INHERITANCE FUNDS THISFIRST QUARTER PAYMENT OF THE YEAR 2007. HOWEVER, WE SHALL PROCEED TOISSUE ALL PAYMENTS DETAILS TO THE SAID MRS.WHITE, IF WE DO NOT HEARFROM YOU WITHIN THE NEXT SEVEN WORKING DAYS FROM TODAY. WE ARE SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE THE DELAY IN TRANSFERRING OF THISFUND MUST HAVE CAUSE YOU THOUGH IT WAS DUE TO OUR BUSY SCHEDULE INPAYING OTHER BENEFICIARIES WHOM THEIR FILES HAVE BEEN CERTIFIED FORPAYMENT.

Here writes Lady Toreth Hughes, suffering fromcancerous ailment. I am married to Sir Richard Hughesan Englishman who is dead. My husband was into privatepractice all his life before his death. Our life together as man and wife lasted for threedecades without child, My husband and I made a vow touplift the down-trodden and the less-privilegedindividuals as he had passion for persons who can nothelp themselves due to physical disability orfinancial predicament.When my late husband was alivehe deposited the sum of £20 Million which were derivedfrom his vast estates and investment in capital marketwith his bank here in UK. Presently, this money isstill with the bank. Recently, my doctor told me that I have limited daysto live due to the cancerous problems I am sufferingfrom. Though what bothers me most is the stroke that Ihave in addition to the cancer. With this hard realitythat has befallen my family and me I have decided todonate this fund to you and want you to use this giftto fund the upkeep of widowers, orphans, thedown-trodden, and persons who prove to be genuinelyhandicapped financially. I took this decision because I do not have any childthat will inherit this money and my husband relativesare bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do notwant my husband's hard earned money to be misused orinvested into ill perceived ventures. I do not needany telephone communication in this regard due to mydeteriorating health. As soon as I receive your replyI shall give you the contact of the bank in UK. I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that willempower you as the original beneficiary of this money.Please assure me that you will act just as I havestated herein, You can contact me through my personal

 

I don't get those sort of emails

I just get ones telling me that I need a penis enlargement. Should I be worried?

 

I need Viagra apparantly!

:$

 

I always reply to them.

They'll readtheir mail and waste their own time.