What's the longest anyone's gone without sex?

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board ARCHIVE' started by Guest, Oct 12, 2007.

  1. Gue

    Guest Guest

    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
    #1
  2. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    My favourite story of the day:

    Stoke's Pericard is re-arrested

    Stoke City striker Vincent Pericard has been re-arrested because of problems with his electronic tag after he was released from jail.
    A statement on the club's website says it hopes to resolve the matter quickly.

    Pericard was given a four month jail sentence in August for trying to lie his way out of a speeding conviction.

    The 25-year-old Frenchman has been disqualified from driving twice before but had only just made a comeback for Stoke during a mid-week reserves game.

    Oh aye.
    "problems with his electronic tag", as in "it's not attached to his leg, where it should be".
    His name sounds like the Captain of the Enterprise, anyway.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
    #2
  3. Gue

    Guest Guest

    "it's not attached to his leg, where it should be".

    Where is it ? His knob ?
     
    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
    #3
  4. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    My theory:

    He's removed it & given it to his mate - who can then keep clocking him in & out.
    Vincent can then carry on driving while disqualified & living the life of a spoiled little rich child.

    I bet his mate is black too.
    They think that we think that they all look alike.
    That's my theory & I'm sticking with it.

    Either that or, as you say, it's on his **** & he's broken it through excessively enthusiastic intercourse.
    With Mamade Sidebe.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
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  5. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: My theory:

    "He's outside, he's inside, he's outside, he's inside..." etc.
     
    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
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  6. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    I need to get arrested.

    The tag will no doubt improve my girth.
    Ladies, get some of this - with electronic tag, for her pleasure.

    It's never once occured to me that I talk complete *****.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
    #6
  7. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: I need to get arrested.

    Do you ? You ought to have mentioned 'humble pie' in your summary. Get with the new religion.
     
    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
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  8. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    My opinion:

    Simon Davey doesn't exist.
    Had you ever heard of him before?

    Paddy & Gord made him up.
    Cryne's techy business was going tits up because he was in his magic lab creating a cybernetic football manager, with chubby cheeks, day & night.
    Paddy has the remote control built into his beard.
    You never see him & Davey in the same room - it's always Gord & Simon.
    If Paddy is more than 20ft away from Davey - the Welsh Whizzkid powers down & just keeps repeating "it's not my team yet, it's not my team yet".

    I've got proof on a micro-disc.
    The Feds are after me though, or summat.

    * Disclaimer - I'm only joking, Gord.
    Don't get your lad, or Sheff Weds Lawyers Inc, to send my Mum nasty letters.
    Cheers big lad.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
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  9. Gue

    Guest Guest

    If you'd said that about Dave Allen and Sheff Wed

    you'd have been sued/sood/sueued, taken to court.</p>

    Good job things is more relaxed here innit.</p>

    Simon Davey's been fashioned from a 'Big-trak' Gordon bought their Duncan for Christmas 1983. If you watch he only ever walks in straight lines and turns 90 degrees.</p>
     
    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
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  10. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    RE: If you'd said that about Dave Allen and Sheff Wed

    Gordon?
    Duncan?

    Aren't they all names off Thomas the Tank Engine?

    Davey must be the Fat Controller?

    Don't worry.
    I've added a disclaimer to the post above.
    I'm a lawyer in my spare time.
    Got a law degree on line for $250.

    I'm going to break the "edit" function today.
    My typing is like Anderson Da Silva's shooting - fecking rubbish.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
    #10
  11. Gue

    Guest Guest

    $250 ?

    I could get 5 coaching certificates for that.
     
    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
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  12. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    RE: $250 ?

    The Coachman Howdi T.T. Football Training Course.
    U12's only.
    Girls welcome.

    I don't know what I'm on about, again.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
    #12
  13. Gue

    Guest Guest

    Go steady

    Thi PM box will be brimful of asher. Jane Asher.
     
    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
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  14. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    RE: Go steady

    It'll be as full as Leslie Ash's lips.

    What happened to the "Ragsters Match Reports" that DB3K liked so much?
    Maybe his pink "Bratz" laptop ist kaputt?
    Too busy watching CBeebies?

    I'm at a loss.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
    #14
  15. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: Go steady

    Dreamboy ? He's currently trying to get the Portsmouth 'firm' to chin some overpaid nurses. Whilst jacking off to my liitle pony adverts on TV.
     
    Guest, Oct 12, 2007
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  16. The Full Ponty

    The Full Ponty Well-Known Member

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    RE: Go steady

    Dreamboy watches American Play-Act Wrestling 'cos he thinks they have the bravery that he lacks.
    He's a proper Cabbage Patch Flid.

    Actually - I've not been for tea with Gord yet.
    Must get that scheduled in at some point.
    He'll probably ram me off the road in his re-inforced Jag on my way out.

    That's not code for loving, by the way.
     
    The Full Ponty, Oct 12, 2007
    #16

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