Where is the Full Ponty in our hour of need?

Just that.

 

Hopefully round at the Don's negotiating terms?

 

I'll be honest:

Negotiations are not going well.
My request for Saturdays, Bank Holidays & Christmas off have not gone down well.

I've either murdered or threatened most of the other candidates, so my plan is working quite well.
Ron Rowing is trying to find a stunt double for me so my absences can be covered.

By the way - prior to my interview on Friday I was stood by the fax machine.
It seems I may have accidentally offered Scotty Wisemen to Blackburn for £1.76.
I also told Craig Davison that Bolton is just up the road from Plymouth.

#TFPforBFC

 

Ahh the elusive Mr ponty!
Barry and i were quite disappointed that you refused to come for Sunday lunch after Barry had cooked his goose!
I have decided that Sean will be punished for his statement! I have sent Tom Williams round.
You will not be allowed Saturday off, however we will allow you to have alternate Sundays and Wednesday off so you can take your dog swimming, as Keith was allowed.

I have found a stunt double for you in the shape of frank sidebottom.

Patricia is more than happy with your transfer activity. We hope you continue to bring in the much needed finances from the sale of these players. And see your transfer kitty increase accordingly.

Yours lovingly
RON. X

 

Morning Ron.

Sorry, but I was busy yesterday.
We were re-enacting the battle scene from Starship Troopers in Wombwell woods.

If I have to work Saturdays then I will need a pay rise.
I'll also need a BFC Alarm clock from the club shop.

I do not have a dog, but I will accept the Wednesday / Sundays off as I'm doing a pottery course.
Frank Sidebottom will be perfect, if he's wearing a pink swimming cap.

I've negotiated a sale price of £100k for Craig Davison.
He has a £300k release clause in his contract, but they didn't want to pay for his tattoos.
Scotty Wisemen was an error. I've got less than £2 for him. We'll just write that one off.
Wigan have offered £200k for Stones, but we get a 5% sell on clause for anything above £10m. We also get £1m if he plays in the World Cup Final for England & scores the winner with his left foot. I've also agreed a bones of £500k if he ever plays in space.
Add to that the £100k I'll get for the players kidneys I plan to sell & we've got a nice little pot of £300k.

I've offered £500k for Deon Burton.

 

Re: Morning Ron.

Unfortunately frank will be unable to swim due to his varucca infestation.

Oh who's dog did you bring on the original interview?
Barry took great pleasure stroking him/her. And would like to go dogging on Thursday nights.

The pottery course may come in handy as we would like to create our own terracotta army in the style of arjan de zeeuw.

After a relatively warm weekend there was a terrible odour in the boardroom, we found some what looks like out of date chocolate in the vase, did you leave anything behind?

Patricia would like to recoup some of his investment, and has asked if you could not train the players on Tuesday and Friday so they can go and do some part time work in ASDA.

On your other request to paint the dressing rooms in a mural depicting the final days of alien versus predator. Unfortunately the artist thought Barry said the final days of alien versus peppa pig. He apologies for this oversight.

 

Re: Morning Ron.

That was Adam Hinchcliffe's dog, Ralph.
Ads was injured at work in a shattered glass / toothpaste incident, so I'm looking after his dog & girlfriend.

Pottery class is going well. I made a plate in the shape of a cup.

Erm - I had nothing to do with the vase.
Maybe it was a dirty protest from the late Keith Hill?

The players will NOT be working in Asda.
They need to maintain their athletic physique.
My plan is to get them to build a new West Stand.
Istvan Ferenczi will be supervisor.

The Alien / Peppa Pig mistake is actually a stroke of genius.
I will sit the players who need to calm down a bit, such as Dawson & Perky, facing Peppa Pig.
The ones who need to be more aggressive, like Fozzer & Mellis, can face the Alien picture.

I'm surprised you didn't pick up that £100k (Davison), £200k (Stones) + £100k (kidneys) = £400k, not the £300k I stated.
I just wanted to make my fee clear, that's all.

 

Laughing with a bad chest infection is painful.