> WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY... > > > LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT > MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE > PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR > ME. AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, > LET ALONE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY." > > > I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL > REMEMBER. MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I > LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT. > > AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING, > BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE > HAD REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN > JANE KNOCKED ON MY?DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY > OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND > ME." > > I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY. > > LET'S GO!" WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD > GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE > TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON > THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A > BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?" > > I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?" > SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT." > > AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS, IF > YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I'LL > BE RIGHT BACK." > > "OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED. > > SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT > CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, > KIDS, AND DOZENS?OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY > BIRTHDAY". > > AND I JUST SAT THERE... > > ON THE COUCH... > > NAKED. ff
