One leg too few...(2) The scene is a football managers office</p> AR: </p><dir> Gaffa! Would you please send in the next potential signing, please. Mr. Healy, I believe it is. </p></dir> Enter Healy, hopping energetically on one leg </p> AR: </p><dir> Mr. Healy, I believe? </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> Yes — Healy by name, Healy by nature. (keeps hopping) </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> Yes... if you'd like to remain motionless for a moment, Mr. Healy. Please be stood. Now, Mr. Healy you are, I believe, applying for the role of Central Midfielder? </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> Right. </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> Now, Mr. Healy, I couldn't help noticing almost at once that you are a one-legged person. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> You noticed that? </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> I noticed that, Mr. Healy. When you have been in the business as long as I have you come to notice these things almost instinctively. Now, Mr. Healy, you, a one-legged man, are applying for the role of Central Midfielder — a role which, traditionally, involves the use of a two-legged player. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> Correct. </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> And yet you, a unidexter, are applying for the role. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> Right. </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> A role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> Very true. </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> Well, Mr. Healy, need I point out to you where your deficiency lies as regards landing the role? </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> Yes, I think you ought to. </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> Need I say with overmuch emphasis that it is in the leg division that you are deficient. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> The leg division? </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> Yes, the leg division, Mr. Healy. You are deficient in it — to the tune of one. Your right leg I like. I like your right leg. A lovely leg for the role. That's what I said when I saw you come in. I said ‘A lovely leg for the role.’ I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is — neither have you. You fall down on your left. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> You mean it's inadequate? </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> Yes, it's inadequate, Mr. Healy. And, to my mind, the Barnsley public is not ready for the sight of a one-legged midfielder in the championship, though Mr Mcfail did a good cameo of the role last season.</p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> I see. </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> However, don't despair. After all, you score over a man with no legs at all. Should a legless man come in here demanding the role, I should have no hesitation in saying ‘Get out. Run away’. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> So there's still a chance? </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> There is still a very good chance. If we get no two-legged players in here within the next two weeks, there is still a very good chance that you'll land this vital role. Failing two-legged players, you, a unidexter, are just the sort of person we shall be attempting to contact telephonically. </p></dir> Healy: </p><dir> Well... thank you very much. </p></dir> AR: </p><dir> So my advice is, to hop on a bus, go home, and sit by your telephone in the hope that we will be getting in touch with you. </p></dir> He shows Healy out </p> AR: </p><dir> I'm sorry I can't be more definite, but as you realise, it's really a two-legged man we're after. Good morning Mr. Healy. </p><font face="Arial" size="2"> </p></font> GS: </p><dir> Any good then Andy?</p><font face="Arial" size="2"> </p></font> AR: </p><dir> Aye, gerrim signed. Him and Kell will make at least one good pair of legs!</p></dir></dir></dir>
never! Still its quite apt at oakwell.</p> The two legged man never turns up in time</p> Peter Cook & Dudley Moore BTW...very old.</p>
RE: never! I liked it, I liked it a lot. I now challenge you to come up with something oakwell themed for the two 'incorrect' lines and then i will proceed to piss my pants whilst sat at the computer
