You Know you're Barnsley if... * You define Summer as three months of bad coal picking. * Your definition of a small town is one that only has five pubs. * Bull bars, 'Tarn Army' and 'traffic light' air fresheners come standard on all your cars. * You refer to the Tykes as "we." * At least 50% of your relatives used to work downt pit. * You can make sense out of the word Asthagorowttegivus. * You have ever gotten frostbitten and suntanned in the same week. * You identify a Sheffield accent as "Southern". * You know what "twocking" is. (Taking Without Owners Consent) * You learned to drive a Reliant Robin before the training wheels were off your bike. * "Down South" to you means Chapletown. * Traveling coast to coast means going from Wath-on Dearne to the Ladybower Res. * The "Big Five" means LYONS CAKES, S.R. GENT, SLAZENGER, SHAW CARPETS & WOMBWELL FOUNDRY. * Snap is something you eat. * You know that a bag of spice is something kids eat. * You were brassed off by the movie "Brassed Off." *You have no problem saying Peniston. * You consider Holmfirth "exotic." * You got a passport to go to Leeds. * Your idea of foreign culture is listening to Oasis. * You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Barnsley Bitter. * Summat to Eight is a meal, not the time of day. * You used to think Mischievous Night was included as an official school holiday. * You know that Jump is a real place. * You have one word that means Hello, How are you,Whats this, Hang on a minute and bloody hell! (Ayup..) * A Chip oil and a Bug oil is a grand night owt. * Eastern Promise is a blind date in Doncaster. * Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a miner next to your Leylandii. * You think there should be a "Southern puff, go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Ecclesfield. * Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new flymo. * A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend yomping up the tips with the rotweiller. * McDonalds is a posh night up town. * You go to work in a shellsuit in the morning and return home wearing someone else's shorts. * Kids roar.. * You know how to line dance. * pop is a drink, not your grandad * Formal wear is a kappa shirt, union jack boxers and a baseball cap. * You think a warm winter coat is Thompsons Waterseal * You are unaware there is a legal drinking age. * You have to go to Tererife to get a tan in August. * You have caught a fish in the Dearne and it glowed in the dark. * You know where the towns of Pogmoor and Pilley are * You have more fishing poles than teeth... * You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend . * You know that "Oo war shi wi", "She wa wi ersen", O wa Shee Naa" "aaah shi wa" isn't Chinese *You proudly claim that the Town Hall is the highest point in Yorkshire. *You have subsidence insurance. *Your idea of a cruise ship is a tin bath in the Dearne, and your idea of a foreign cruise ship is rowing boat on Elsecar Reservoir. *You can pronounce "Alhambra" but can't spell it. *If someone says "Castlereagh," "Pitt" or "Peel" you think Street instead of Prime Minister *You get on a bus marked "Jump Circular" without a second thought. *You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a central reservation while avoiding two joggers and a traccy bus then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake. *You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light. *You got rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance. * The major question when the Barnsley Chronicle runs a restaurant review is "Whats a restaurant?" *The rest of the review is about how Barnsley got all cosmopolitan when Burtons sold out to Ronald McDonald *You judge a cafe by its black pudding and gravy. *You consider having warm chips and a pickled onion as your birthright. *You call drinking water "Dearne Valley Pop". You visit another town and they "claim" to have Barnsley Chop -- but you know better. ___________________________
You know you're x if......</p> </p> Your lass has tits like spaniels earholes.</p> You masturbate whilst thinking of Windy</p> £50k p/a</p>
