New Parent Help

Your last sentence. Take a picture and keep that in memory too.

For all the struggles, the good times and happy times far outweighs them (eventually). Its so rewarding, but very hard work.

 

For example.

This is the one I took. 14 years ago lol. Still have it now.

This after he had calmed down and I was on night duty downstairs. And he followed me all around the room. And even continued to watch me as i took it. The awkward sod did smile after the pic, but it's the most treasured pic i have of him.

It's the photo I always went back to when I felt under the weather.

Still do now as it happens

 

Hello Wellsie,

Sorry to hear you're both having a hard time of it. My brother and his partner had their first child a week after lockdown and they've both found it difficult, with my brother also working at home (he runs his own company too). I have a 10 year old and whilst I dont mind being at home my wife has found it hard....

You can't control what's happening around you, but you can control how you react to the situation you're both in and what you choose to do about it.

It's very easy with a newborn to both become totally engrossed in the lives of the baby and forget about your own time, and before you know it you're worn out and struggling. Make sure you both communicate with each other, say when your struggling and give each other time off to spend some time away from the little one. Go for a walk, have a bath, read a book, whatever - just take a mental break and find some down time on your own. Set aside that time to have a break and stick to it the best you can.

Do things together, if possible without the little one. Even if it's just an hour so you can go for a walk together, take it. Get some fresh air and a break. As above, it's easy to lose sight of things and forget that the baby will be fine for an hour if you're not there.

Don't worry about the baby, they won't remember crying due to acid reflux 5 mins after they've stopped. Just do your best to comfort the little one, but getting upset isnt going to change what happens, just make things worse. Obviously keep an eye on it and if anything changes contact a professional.

It sounds silly, but when you wake up every morning run through your head the things that are likely to cause you both stress, upset etc.. The baby will cry, be sick, **** itself 30 times a day, be distressed due to the reflux, cry again for no reason, not sleep. You will be dragged away from work, you won't get stuff done etc. Don't get upset by thinking about them, just spend some time on how you expect them to happen and be indifferent in a *shrugs shoulders* kind of way about it. Then when they happen you'll be in a better place to deal with it as you've already mentally prepared for it and run through it in your mind.

Lastly and most importantly enjoy the time you have, they grow up really quickly and change so much in the first year or so. Take photos, laugh, play be stupid and be kind to each other.

 

This!

As it goes, it was my teenager, our eldest, who suffered worst from reflux and wind issues.

He was always writhing in agony bless him.

We were recommended Infacol, the bottle says to drop on their tongue but the health visitor also advised adding a drop to the bottle. That was fantastic, as soon as the drop hit the freshly shaken milk, it took every air bubble out of it instantly. He improved with it but we did have to keep using it for a while.

Anyway, I’m sure your baby’s symptoms etc are already being well managed between your gp and yourselves. So I’ll mention you and your wife.

We are in lockdown so it is likely very difficult to get any downtime, but you need to look after yourselves and eachother.

I’d advise a walk in the fresh air, alone, for each of you. At least half an hour a day. Or a cycle/run if that floats your boat more and a possibility. Time to unclog your brain, breathe easy and prepare for the rest of the day. Maybe also a nice long soak in the bath. Set aside a little time for yourselves each day - you are both clearly able to look after baby while the other is having half an hour.

Anything your in-laws can help with would just be a bonus then, and not something you’d rely on.

You’ll come through it, it’s a very common condition for babies, and parents have been sleep deprived forever too. Keep reaching out for help or reassurance if you need it.

I’ve been jointly responsible for getting three kids through infancy, and whilst it was horrible at times I imagine, I don’t necessarily remember the bad nights etc that well as much as I do all the amazing memories and milestones.

Give yourselves a break fella. You’re doing great.

 

the only thing i can tell you is that the first 35 years are the worst then it eases a bit

 

Not sure my folks would agree lol

 

When our daughter was born she suffered from horrendous colic which didn't let up for 6 weeks - probably had a maximum of 2-3 hours sleep a night for both of us. One lesson I learned from it looking back is that we needed to take turns better then we did, rather then let it disturb both of us, and whenever one of you needs a sleep day or night, just laydown where you can and sleep - the lack of sleep is the root cause of the negative feelings that you can't cope I found.
After 6 weeks and against all official medical advice (but not unofficial community midwife advice) we started her on baby rice - problem solved almost immediately.

 

The only option for me and Laura became separate rooms until George settled. I tried my best to help with the night feeds but Laura accepted I needed to be up early for work. With her being on maternity leave she was happy to catch up sleep during the day. This became easier after the novelty wore off with visitors. The hardest person to convince we needed time to ourselves and Laura wanted rest was ironically her mother. She accused us of stopping her seeing George. It wasn't that we were both knackered.

 

It’s funny you say that as i did get a photo straight after, it’s now my phone background.

 

Gorgeous girl.

 

She's a little cutie isn't she.

Only advice I can offer you is try not to ever blame yourself when she's crying or to think of yourself as failing in any way. I know a lot of parents start thinking they're doing something wrong, not doing it well enough or things like that when it gets tough with a baby. They're not at all. Babies cry. They cry, they dont sleep when you want them to, they're awkward little buggers really and sometimes there's absolutely nothing you can do except do your best. Sometimes that best will make her stop crying, sometimes it won't and when it doesn't just look at that photo and think she doesn't cry ALL the time and you weren't the world's best magic super hero parents for stopping her then, you were normal loving parents and you're that whether she cries or smiles and whether she stops crying when you pick her up or doesnt. Every child is different, every time they cry it's different and every time is a challenge. There's no magic formula and if she doesn't stop sometimes maybe there is literally nothing anyone can do at that moment to stop her? It is what it is unfortunately. That may sound harsh but if you can somehow accept that and realise it isn't a reflection on you at all it may help.

Other than that have you considered taking her back and swapping her for a boy? I'm sure they come with a 12 month guarantee, if you're not satisfied you can exchange.

 

As been mentioned above, keep taking them.

Years later you will look at them and see how much they grow in a short time.

You don't really notice it day in day out, but its there.

And you will look back on them in years to come and just melt. All over again

(I'm losing man points here lol)

 

Really? 41 in my experience...and counting

 

Laura doesn't look like I expected her to

 

Aw. He's starting to look more like a little boy now. Welcome to toddler tantrums!!

 

She’s got her mums looks!

 

Great words, thanks.

 

She's so cute! As everyone else has said, you guys are doing great, don't forget to take time out but persevere with it my friend and it will get easier! My wife gave birth to our third child on Monday (a baby girl) ! We now have a 7 year old boy, a 2 year old boy and the new baby. It's going to be a chaotic one in our house for a while! It doesn't seem like 2 minutes ago that our 7 year old was born and they grow up so quickly! All the best!