Hi covid, could you do me a favour please? Yeah I know I already asked you only to target shoppers in shops and not shopworkers but if you do me this one favour I'll make them wear masks too to give you a challenge. Deal? Great. Ok well I was wondering if you could just try to kill people who meet in groups of 7 or more buttttt with a few exceptions. If they're in church could you take it easy on them please? Great! And I was thinking, we all like a night wedding right? I know, I know. Fancy foods. Yum. Well could you maybe leave them alone if they're at a wedding please? What do you mean it makes no sense? Yeah I know it's probably the same people you kill in their mum's garden but I thought maybe if one of them wore a white dress you might give them a pass? Great so let's say that if a woman wears white you won't kill the first 15 sat eating dinner together but if she takes it off you'll go for them at 7? Marvellous. No no, I don't mean Muslim women in hijabs, it has to be wedding dresses, you can kill the pesky letterboxes whenever you want I don't care.
Covid to Boris. “ may I thank you for keeping me and the vast number of colleagues alive. I know I can speak on behalf of the virus community. Keep up the good work.”
"You can go to any pub you want, but only after 10. I'll get everyone else out at that point and you can have free rein."
