Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. Del Rosso

    Del Rosso Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2016
    Messages:
    550
    Likes Received:
    236
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Style:
    Barnsley
    The wife's kicked me out and I'm living in a phone box
    Well, it's somewhere to call home
     
  2. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2011
    Messages:
    13,254
    Likes Received:
    1,166
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    HERE.
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Store assistant excuse me can I help you sir?
    I said yes I’m looking for something that goes PING
    He said “PING”?
    I said yes you’ll do
     
    Metatarsal, bossman and Connor like this.
  3. JamDrop

    JamDrop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2013
    Messages:
    9,535
    Likes Received:
    1,671
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Leeds
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    My grandfather was ill so we took him to the hospital. He started to recover, but then the doctors decided to put butter all over his entire backside. After that, he went downhill very quickly.
     
  4. Lon

    Lone Striker Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2017
    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    101
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Beyond the last man
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Bought my mother in law a Jaguar for Christmas.

    Bit ‘er bloody head off.
     
    Metatarsal and bossman like this.
  5. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    3,861
    Likes Received:
    512
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Been to the hospital today.
    They reckon I might have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but at the moment it's hard to say!
     
    Duntpasstome and Metatarsal like this.
  6. Lon

    Lone Striker Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2017
    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    101
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Beyond the last man
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Found a Dyson in the loft.

    It was just there gathering dust.
     
    Connor likes this.
  7. Lon

    Lone Striker Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2017
    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    101
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Beyond the last man
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    The wife got angry with me for going to watch the Reds.

    She threw a steak, potatoes and cabbage at me.

    I said “Don’t you think you’re making a meal of this?”
     
  8. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    4,487
    Likes Received:
    684
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Urine Extraction Technician
    Location:
    Elsecar By The Sea
    Style:
    Barnsley
    Got into a fight with a bloke with a mop.....wiped the floor with him.
     
  9. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,874
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Been to the doctors today, told him I can't pronounce my F's, T's or H's.

    He said, "Well, you can't say fairer than that then"........,
     
    bossman and Old Goat like this.
  10. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Messages:
    2,965
    Likes Received:
    167
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    malin bridge
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley
    I love eBay!

    I sold my homing pigeon eight times last month.
     
  11. Father Benny Cake

    Father Benny Cake Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,788
    Likes Received:
    147
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    Craggy Island Parochial House
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Skeleton walks into a bar and says, “pint of lager and a mop please”
     
    bossman and Metatarsal like this.
  12. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    16,085
    Likes Received:
    2,191
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    None
    Location:
    Dodworth
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley
    It could have been a net curtain..........
     
    SuperTyke and Metatarsal like this.
  13. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,874
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Just put all of my original John Lennon memorabilia up for auction on EBay.
    Imagine all the PayPal.
     
    bossman, Old Goat and Indie Red like this.
  14. SuperTyke

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2005
    Messages:
    33,504
    Likes Received:
    2,531
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    What do you call a magic dog?

    A Labracadabrador
     
    bossman and Old Goat like this.
  15. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,874
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    You've just put a smile on my 13 year old daughters face with that one mate. She's a stress head at the minute, GCSE Options week. Couldn't have timed that joke any better.
     
    bossman likes this.
  16. SuperTyke

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2005
    Messages:
    33,504
    Likes Received:
    2,531
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Glad to be of service. Tell her to write all the subjects on ping pong balls and choose them FA cup style.

    This is why I'm not a parent
     
    Metatarsal likes this.
  17. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,874
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I've not told the wife but I've just bought some new variant Viagra, drug code 007, online. It says it won't keep you hard for longer but will help you roger moore.......
     
  18. SuperTyke

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2005
    Messages:
    33,504
    Likes Received:
    2,531
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Speaking of viagra
    I went to the chemists the other day and asked if they had any extra strength ones
    Chemist: yes we do
    Me: can you get it over the counter?
    Chemist: yes if i take two
     
    bossman, Connor and Metatarsal like this.
  19. Jul

    Julian Broddle's Perm Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2016
    Messages:
    964
    Likes Received:
    903
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Style:
    Barnsley
    I used to go out with a lass who, unfortunately, had eczema, head to toe.
    Lovely girl, cracking tits.
     
    bossman, Connor and Metatarsal like this.
  20. Duntpasstome

    Duntpasstome Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2014
    Messages:
    1,171
    Likes Received:
    560
    Trophy Points:
    113
    A man went to the doctors, the doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time "the man replied "I know I've been ill".
     
    bossman likes this.

Share This Page