Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.
Same bloke who got the idea for the Cold Air Balloon? That never got off the ground.
I'm sick of people knocking on my door begging. Theres just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank.
I gave her a right mouthful.
What do you call a 100 hares walking backwards?.....
A receding hairline!
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. Barman says 'Evening Rene, usual?'
Rene says 'I think not' and disappears
8 hours later I have just got this
Came home from pub last night.
Said to missus "I've been talking to postman and he was bragging that he'd had every woman in our street barring one"
"I bet it's that snotty cow at number 12" she said .
“Dad, my did you name my Sister Teresa?”
“Well son, we called her Teresa cos it’s an anagram of Easter and your Mum really loves Easter”
“Oh, OK Dad, thanks”
“Why do you ask Alan?”
Just had a phone call from a bloke singing Stand and Deliver, Prince Charming, and Goody Two Shoes. He insisted he hadn't got the wrong number despite what I told him. In fact, he was adamant........
Just as well because Lana would sound a bit sissy.
This Egyptian bloke just pulled up alongside my car, beeped his horn, and bared his naked arse out of his window.
Bloody toot and car moon.
It is approaching the end of the day in the local primary school. Planned work has been completed, and the teacher decides to carry out an exercise to allow the class to get to know each other better.
Can anyone tell me what one of your parents does for a living, the teacher asks.
Little Johnny is bouncing in the back corner desk, to be avoided at all costs.
Jack puts his hand up, the teacher asks what his parent does.
My dads a sheet metal worker says Jack.
Can you write that on the board please?
Jack comes out and writes s h i t.
No, no Jack, sit down and look it up in your dictionary.
Anyone else asks the teacher, little Johnny is still bouncing in the corner.
The teacher asks him what one of his parents does for a living.
Mi dads a bookie he says.
Do you mean he is a turf accountant, and can you write that on the board, the teacher asks.
No says Johnny, but I'll lay 6/4 on that Jack comes back out and writes **** on the blackboard again.
A woman weightlifter goes to the doctor
"I've been taking steroids, & now I've grown a cock"
"Anabolic" says the Doctor
"No just a cock"
Wrote a play about weather, we had 5 actors dressed as clouds for the rehearsal.
On opening night 6 clouds turned up..
It was overcast!
After I broke my arm, I asked the nurse if I'd be able to play the piano once it healed. When she said yes, I said "great, I've never been able to play before!"
Woman found dead in local entry with weetabix in her mouth ,,,, police looking for a cereal killer !
I was so cold today that my jaw started to freeze...
So I gritted my teeth.
I'm going to watch the World Origami Championship on TV tonight. It's on paper view.
My pet mouse Elvis died last night
He was caught in a trap
Went to the paper shop earlier.
It had blown away.
Young lad sat crying on the footpath as it meant he'd lost his job.
That was Russell, the paper boy.
Is he the lad that has leaves in his hair ?
THE BARNSLEY FC
BBS FANS FORUM
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