Pegging

I shall start my reply with the caveat, I’m no expert in this area, but with a bit of Googling I’ve composed a ‘Pegging for beginners’. These few hints and tips should help your Valentine’s evening activities.

1 Preparation

Cleanliness is key, not the most romantic moment if play is stopped due to the appearance of a stray winnit nut. Make sure that any traces of Saturday night’s vindaloo are long gone with a shower or bath with particular attention to the rear end.

2 Lubrication

For some reason the term ‘dry b*mming’ is one I heard many times as a youth but not something I’ve, thankfully, endured. As a beginner in the pegging stakes lubrication is key. Many instructional videos will show the use of saliva, this is wholly inadequate for a beginner. Home lubricants such as peanut butter could cause considerable confusion given the colour and consistency. A substantial dollop of KY jelly on both the recipient’s entry point and the proposed insertion tool is a must.

3 Insertion Implement (Ramming rod)

As a beginner never over estimate your capacity, you can always scale up but going large too early, even after following lubricant tips above, could result in severe pain.

Anything homemade is more likely to land you in A&E with unintended break off mid peg. Again the power of google informs me there are a number of specialised retailers along the A1 perfect for a purchase with the added benefit of anonymity.

I do hope my research stands you in good stead for tomorrow evening. I look forward to a report on here on Monday, ideally in the third person tone as adopted in minority report.

I fear lockdown may be having a strange impact on me.....

 

I've read all this in sheer wonderment !
I haven't got a clue what's going on, I have not googled anything so am totally innocent of anything rude or otherwise.
I get a feeling it involves bottoms and poo.

 

pmsl!

 

I play crib and that involves pegging if it helps.

 

I've played a somewhat similar mature game with my learned friends entitled "Tit Cricket". It is normally played in a crowded pub/club where you (normally a chap) tries to "knock" or "brush" surreptitiously against a young ladies ah hem, breasts. Scoring is quite simple: a successful knock or brush scores the knocker or brusher one run; a double breasted knock/brush = 2 runs; a handful of one breast , yes, you've guessed it, is a four and a double handful = a six. You are "out" whenever said victim either a. Protests or b. slaps your face, c. knees your balls or d. kicks you up the jacksey.
It's a fun game but alcohol is a mandatory pre-game necessity.

 

This is the sort of thread the BBS was founded on. Bravo @Terry Nutkins for getting us back to the real issues of the day.

 

Funny that. It’s just what our lass does.
Edit
Ouch.

 

or e) get arrested and end up on a register

It shouldn’t need saying in 2021 but please don’t play a ‘game’ that involves a load of people going around grabbing women’s breasts.

 

I had a go at that once. I successfully negotiated a few maidens, then got in trouble attempting a leg glance. I survived several rising googlies and was dropped at fine leg after getting too chest on while attempting to pull. I was then subjected to a barrage of bouncers before being given out leg before willy.

 

What out the jamdrop police will be onto you mate.

 

Well she would have a point to be fair.

 

I last played it it the 1960's so hopefully I'll be ok. I wouldn't dream of playing it in our boozer today as my zimmer frame would be a bit obvious and I'd be out for a duck. And, I'm not a dinosaur now I've learned about Equality. And Equal opportunities. Etc.

 

It must be mate, it’s even got @S.M. out of the woodwork.

Who next Dillinger?

 

Make sure she doesn't take a run up .

 

To combine two threads, I wouldn't mind being pegged by Priti Patel. She might be a shlitehawk of a human being but I bet she can't half fk*c. Look at them hips! You wouldn't get a tickling you'd get a proper slamming.

 

You're talking as if she's Mary Whitehouse for objecting to non-consensual groping. Jesus.

 

Id guess there’s a lot of pent up anger in there. I think she’d go like the clappers early doors and run out of steam later. She’d make it hurt though.

 

If you tell her you're poor/an immigrant she'll try to **** you twice as hard

 

I think you might spend a few hours tryng to find the opening golden shot there mate.

Or at least there'll be hours negotiating about it. T'il you're submissive.

Not seen bigger kebab slabs gyrating round the burner that can compare with those undercover thighs.

I shall soon be arrested for this post (because it has by now been intercepted by the authorities).

She has a nice face which somehow radiates a deep evil.

I shall correspond further from Armley. If allowed.