Think we all need to have a laugh...

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Kev b, Jan 16, 2017.

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  1. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    Just been accosted in town by 2 religious people spreading the word of the Lord Mister Grimsdale. They were preaching Mormon Wisdom. :)

    Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk
     
    Metatarsal, Jan 16, 2017
    #21
  2. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    When I took my newborn to the doctors last week I asked him about the size of his knees. He said they were both an inch high.
    I said " inch high knees ?"
    He said " 英寸高膝盖 ".

    Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk
     
    Metatarsal, Jan 16, 2017
    #22
  3. wal

    walestyke Active Member

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    Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other. Does this taste funny to you ?
     
    walestyke, Jan 16, 2017
    #23
  4. SirPsychoSexy

    SirPsychoSexy Banned Idiot

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    Doctor Doctor, i'm really worried, my penis has turned orange

    How strange, whip it out, lets have a look.............bloody hell what have you been getting up to?

    Nothing much Doctor, just been sat at home watching porn and eating wotsits.
     
    SirPsychoSexy, Jan 16, 2017
    #24
  5. Jul

    Julian Broddle's Perm Well-Known Member

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    What does Speedy Gonzales put underneath his carpet? Underlay - Underlay!!!
     
    Julian Broddle's Perm, Jan 16, 2017
    #25
  6. Lep

    Lepton-red Active Member

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    Want a laugh. On a romantic night away with other half (well I was) opened a bottle of champers for the cork to pop off unexpectedly and fire into my left eye....... proper shiner in the making. In Bed with face on now.
     
    Lepton-red, Jan 16, 2017
    #26
  7. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    Sister brought her baby around and asked if I want to wind him....I thought that's a bit harsh and just gave him a dead leg
     
    Bossman, Jan 16, 2017
    #27
  8. Mr Badger

    Mr Badger Well-Known Member

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    Bill and Ben in the bath.
    Bill farts and Ben says, "It's half past ten."
     
    Mr Badger, Jan 16, 2017
    #28
  9. wal

    walestyke Active Member

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    Last night I had sex in the bronco position. It's basically the same as doggy position,but once you get into position you tell her your having an affair and see how long you can hang on.
     
    walestyke, Jan 16, 2017
    #29
  10. scarf

    scarf Well-Known Member

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    I opened a card this morning. It had a packet of plasticene in it.

    I don't know what to make of it.
     
    scarf, Jan 16, 2017
    #30
  11. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper...
    …I was dicing with death!
     
    Farnham_Red, Jan 16, 2017
    #31
  12. DSLRed

    DSLRed Well-Known Member

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    "Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm"

    "What have you been taking for it"

    "Pepper"
     
    DSLRed, Jan 17, 2017
    #32
  13. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    "Doctor, I'm worried. My knob is shaped like a rocket."
    "What does your wife think about it?"
    "She's over the moon"
     
    Stahlrost, Jan 17, 2017
    #33
  14. W1z

    W1zz Well-Known Member

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    Missus sent me to the shop to get 6 cans of Sprite.

    She wasn't impressed when I got back, I'd only gone and picked 7-Up.
     
    W1zz, Jan 17, 2017
    #34
  15. KyoteTyke

    KyoteTyke Well-Known Member

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    Bought a trampoline for the kids for Christmas and had it installed in the loft .....Wife went through the flippin roof!
     
    KyoteTyke, Jan 17, 2017
    #35
  16. KyoteTyke

    KyoteTyke Well-Known Member

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    Giraffe walks into a bar and barman says "Don't see many Giraffe's in here!" Giraffe says ....."I'm not surprised, you seen how bloody low that door frame is!!"
     
    KyoteTyke, Jan 17, 2017
    #36
  17. Hot

    Hotbovril Active Member

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    Chickens hate my lawn, it's impeccable!
    A man walked into a bar, OUCH!
    A horse walked into a bar, bartender asked Why the long face?
    A dog went into a bar and ordered a pint, bartender charged him £10 and said we don't get many dogs in here ordering pints. The dog replied I'm not surprised at these prices!
    What time is it when a China man goes to the dentist? Tooth Hurty
     
    Hotbovril, Jan 17, 2017
    #37
  18. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    :)
     
    Andy Mac, Jan 17, 2017
    #38
  19. Brush

    Brush Well-Known Member

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    How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony?
















    It's not hard.....
     
    Brush, Jan 17, 2017
    #39
  20. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    2 dyslexics having a pee, one says "Can you smell something funny in here?"

    Other says "Mate, I can't even smell my own name".
     
    Andy Mac, Jan 17, 2017
    #40
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