Not sure about curing them but I have been told I’m rather good at satisfying their needs. Now this I am very proud of.
I once got a detention at school because my teacher said "don't blow your own trumpet" and I responded "believe me sir, if I could I wouldn't have left the house this morning". 20 odd years later it's still the wittiest thing I've ever said.
This is a blatant lie. We all know you send Jeeves to Waitrose on Eccleshall Road for your everyday items.
I used to be able to do an impression of a trim phone - which was relevant for about three weeks in the early 1980s only if you watched “That’s Life”. I can also write /use a pen with my right foot.
In my drinking days I could go ages without a trip to the loo, but that’s probably because of my phobia about urinals. The best/worst example is QPR away one year. We met in a pub in Soho, then to a pub in Shepherds Bush. Pretty sure I had a beer at the ground. Then back to Shepherds Bush and finally a few pints in Kentish Town and home. It’s then that it dawned on me I hadn’t had a wee all sodding day, and I’d had 9 or 10 pints. I spent the rest of the night waking up for the loo every half an hour and the next day wondering if I had kidney failure.