I've just heard that 2 parcel delivery companies, FEDEX and UPS are to merge. The new Company is to be called FED UP
Burglars break into a house and find a couple upstairs making love. Tying them up they start ransacking the house. “Take whatever you want, but please let her go” says the man. “You must really love your wife “ says the burglar. “Not really” the man replies “but she’ll be home in ten minutes”.
It’s been 412 days since I’ve been with the mrs... I had to go jogging in flip-flops yesterday to at least remind myself of the sound…
Some annoying cold caller was trying to sell me a luxury coffin today. I could only say, “ that is the last thing I’ll need.”