Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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    RedStriker, Nov 23, 2021
    #2601
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  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Nov 24, 2021
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  3. Lor

    Lordtyke Well-Known Member

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    Updated nursery rhymes:


    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

    The structure of the wall was incorrect

    So he won ten grand with Claims Direct


    Jack and Jill went into town

    To fetch some chips and sweeties

    Now Jack can’t keep his heart rate down

    And Jill’s got diabetes


    It's raining, it's pouring
    Of course..it's global warming
     
    Lordtyke, Nov 24, 2021
    #2603
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  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Nov 24, 2021
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  5. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    this is from Radio 4 this morning who highlighted a letter in the Daily Torygraph this morning. in his speech to the CBU Bojo the Clown compared himself to Moses. The letter said that Moses parted the Red Sea, Bojo can't part his hair.
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 24, 2021
    #2605
    Stephen Dawson, Farnham_Red and Connor like this.
  6. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    Mr C, Nov 24, 2021
    #2606
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  7. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    Mr C, Nov 24, 2021
    #2607
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  8. Lor

    Lordtyke Well-Known Member

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    Lordtyke, Nov 25, 2021
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  9. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    Got really emotional at the petrol station this morning,

    Just started filling up
     
    Redstone, Nov 25, 2021
    #2609
    Stephen Dawson, Barnsley_Blitz, dearnevalleyviper and 5 others like this.
  10. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    Mr C, Nov 25, 2021
    #2610
    Stephen Dawson likes this.
  11. Lor

    Lordtyke Well-Known Member

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    I selected it using an algorithmic spreadsheet, it turned out to be bang average so I've loaned it out to the BBS:)
     
    Lordtyke, Nov 25, 2021
    #2611
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  12. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    Ignore wouldn’t take image
     
    North Yorks Red, Nov 25, 2021
    #2612
  13. winged avenger

    winged avenger Well-Known Member

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    winged avenger, Nov 26, 2021
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  14. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    The time our Ben followed Ellie too closely & she crapped on his head.. :eek: 4E81772A-3E59-4F03-8B0B-6266C151EB0B.jpeg
     
    Mr C, Nov 26, 2021
    #2614
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  15. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a Fancy Dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem...
    A few days later he receives a parcel with a note..
    "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate"...
    The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint...
    A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says, "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monks habit...
    The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part"...
    Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a scathing letter of complaint...
    The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads, "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a toffee apple"...
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Nov 26, 2021
    #2615
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  16. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.

    The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'

    George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off.

    ''Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

    A little later in the day, the Doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' he says, 'George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?'

    'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's pissing in the fridge again!!!
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Nov 26, 2021
    #2616
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  17. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    George Harrison on the 64 Australia tour..
    There’s more people than came to see the Queen..
    “I should think so, She didn’t have any hit records..”
    Laugh? I nearly bought my own beer.. :)
     
    Mr C, Nov 26, 2021
    #2617
    Stephen Dawson likes this.
  18. Lor

    Lordtyke Well-Known Member

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    I came out of the pub last night and a policewoman approached me and said I was staggering.
    I thanked her and told her if she lost a couple of stones and did her hair better, she could look good too.
    I hope the magistrates take this into account
     
    Lordtyke, Nov 27, 2021
    #2618
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  19. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    our local shop was broken into and every can of Red Bull was taken.

    How do these people sleep at night?
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 27, 2021
    #2619
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  20. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    North Yorks Red, Nov 27, 2021
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