Made me laugh

I was out taking my daily walk round Wath Lake this morning when I saw a zookeeper running towards me!..... he said “a tiger had escaped from the zoo!”.....
I said “Which way did he go?”
He replied “ you don’t think I’m foooookin chasing it do you!”.....

 

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

But cats can.

 

2 men walk into a bar.

A third man walks in and ducks.

 

At Oakwell they would run out of electric for this good idea.

 

And another man walks into a bar, and he hurts his head, because it's an iron bar, and he's a bit pi*ssed lol.
And somebody else walks into another bar that day, and the landlord says, are you fed up mate, why the long face ?.
And the reply is, well, I am a horse after all!!.

 

Not often a politician speaks the truth and then even says "it's true" to drum home the point.

 

We had a pudding tin up , all we could get on was Yorkshire.

 

Not funny but……
⚠️BREAKING NEWS⚠️
Leaked manifesto document has just been seen from the Conservative Party!!..

 

He’s been telling porkies again..

 

Scottish Team ready to face Germany

 

Two slices of bread got married. The reception was going according to plan until someone toasted the bride and groom.

 

The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.


There will be no coffin at his funeral.

 

Someone has asked me what time Scotland kick off at the Euros.

I said "every ten ninutes".

 

A piece of road walks into a bar and orders a pint. Just then the doors fly open and a piece of dual carriageway walks in. It goes over to the piece of road and says “I’m the hardest bit of road in this town.” At that moment the doors are torn off their hinges as a huge piece of motorway strides in and squares up to the other two. “I'll show you who's the hardest bit of road round here...” It’s all about to kick off when a small piece of green road comes in, orders a pint and sits down. The other three just look away in silence. The barman says “I thought you three boys were pretty hard?” “Yeah, but we’re not going to mess with him. He’s a cycle path.”

 

I put this ad in Barnsley Chronicle lonely hearts column. I like to go for long walks stopping regularly for a beer or 2. I enjoy good food and at the end of a day I would love to curl up on the settee with you and stroke your hair.'
I only got one reply........
From a Golden Retriever