Paddy was bought a metal detector for Christmas. He went in his garden looking for treasure. He was 60 ft down & still digging until he realised...
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup... I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to...
Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom. When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"...
I arrived early at the restaurant earlier. “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. “Not at all” I replied. “Good, take these...
Why aren't people in the Afghanistan allowed to watch TV? Because of the telly ban.
I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat bloke sitting there holding his ****.. Then I realised the telly...
With Harry Redknapp in the jungle, I'm a Celeb will be relegated to ITV2 by Christmas...
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone
Two dyslexics are working in a kitchen. 1st one says "Can you smell gas?" 2nd one replies " Mate, i can't even smell my own name".
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies." I replied, "Well, tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!"
Lets hope he gets some game time tomorrow. Perfect opportunity for him to get some match time. if we do eventually get back the player who was...
And scored 157 runs!
It all seems to be centred on Smith & Warner, there's very little on Bancroft. I think they will all come back into the squad, in time for the...
The bigger worry for me is how a certain style of play against us renders us useless. We just haven’t had a plan b or a way to combat teams being...
Why!!? Just that....
My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate... I was so shocked I almost tripped over my ****!
My new after shave smells like worms. Birds love it.
My girlfriend says our lovemaking is so bad because I'm so easily distracted... Ah well. Back to it I suppose.
What's the difference between your wife and your Job? Well, after 10 years your job still sucks
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