2 years sober

Thanks Andy, you are a top top man, friendly, funny, kind. with or without drink, just remember that. The social pressure to drink is a real tough one - the FOMO syndrome. We think we can't make it through that wedding or birthday or holiday without a drink, until we do it. I realised what makes a party or an event is the people not the drink, what usually happens on nights out is I just leave after about 4 hours of everyone drinking because by that point no one is making much sense, people repeat themselves endlessly and no one's going to remember anything anyone said - the big irony of it is that drinking is seen as a social lubricant and a way to connect but in the end it creates the opposite effect - no one listening, everyone shouting over each other and no one being themselves. I don't mind though anymore, I got to catch up with people while they were making sense, no one cares if you're drinking or not after the first few and you can get off when it starts getting boring.
I had 65 days and a bunch of stretches in the 20s and 30s, but I always found a reason to go back to it until I didn't. If it was easy there wouldn't be an entire industry designed to help people quit. If you haven't read any books on it, try Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck I got it audio book and used to listen to it on my walks, that really laid the foundations.

 

Have you read / listened to much stuff by Andy Ramage ?

 

Well done lad. I’m glad you found a different way.

 

Is he the ba$tard child of Andy Rammell and Peter Ramage?

 

Cheers Dom. I thought I’d read them all but I haven’t read the Craig Beck one - will give it a go

 

This is one of the most uplifting posts I have seen recently, thank you and a massive well done! I always remember you stopping drinking, you stopped 6 months before me. I can relate to a lot of what you have said. Personally, I was an all-or-nothing drinker, and I looked for every excuse and occasion to drink. Then lockdown came and my drinking increased but in isolation.

I went to a funeral recently, where a family member cornered me at the bar, telling me there's nothing wrong with drinking and I should have a guinness. This isn't the first time he has tried this. When I told him I had quit for good, that I was drinking practically every day, that I was ashamed and even hiding tinnies under my coat (from neighbours) on the way back from the off-licence on a Monday evening (and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday etc.), and that my behavior was freaking me out and how reliant and sad I had become on it, he said rather dismissively 'I didn't know it was THAT bad'. But he wouldn't, he lives 200 miles away and he also drinks at every opportunity, so he wouldn't have been much help. His new thing is he now regularly attends funerals of people, some he barely knows, as a social occasion to drink, the first to the bar and the last to leave. I hope he gets better, but it's a very personal, private thing. My issues with drink aren't new; I've had alcohol gastritis, I've had depression that has been exacerbated by my drinking, when every problem seemed a thousand times worse; I had unresolved guilt (resolved in sobriety), I made bad decisions and my biggest regrets have been through drinking. But the lockdown, meeting the love of my life (who doesn't drink anymore for her own reasons), and my mental state not getting any better despite depending on alcohol for a lift, told me it was the right time to stop. I now make the best decisions with a clear mind. I judge no-one, life is a battle in and of itself, and I used to love a drink but I had to find something new for myself. I found other things to do with my time. It's been 18 months for me

Having an amazing girlfriend helps. Also playing football twice a week, swimming, gyming (which I didn't consistently do before). I can also be around other people drinking now and it doesn't affect me, my brother's wedding last November being the first major test. I have had a close friend slip away from me, which I have had to accept. We haven't spoken about it because despite my best efforts we don't get to hang out right now. He does have a 6 month old so I can cut him some slack, but I'm not naive. He still goes out with his other mates, and I'm not his drinking buddy any more. It's a sad fact, but it's a price I am willing to pay. It requires a lot of strength, willpower and confidence in what you are doing for yourself, and your health, so congratulations again mate, you should be very proud of yourself for recognising what you have gone through, taking the big step to change, and for sticking with it - and for sharing your story! I hope anyone who reads your post who may be struggling takes strength from it.

 

Happy birthday wakeyred my late dad was over 30yrs sober by the time he passed away,thankfully it's something that's never been a problem to me but I no how much courage and determination it takes to get to where you are today remember mate one day at a time. Some of the saying stay with me even today the favourite being one foot into day one foot into tomorrow and pissing on to today keep up the good work and enjoy the fruits of your hard work.

 

Well done Redarmy and Wakey …and future admiration for anybody now inspired to do the same and stop !!

 

Top stuff mate. Very pleased for you.

 

Well done @wakeyred, an inspiration to us all that have issues with booze & depression. I've had many years of my life totally sober & other periods of hedonism & at times drinking to just get through stuff. We all have our own journeys & demons. I'll be 60 in 2 and a half years & realise I need to face up to some stuff in my own life before I get to that age. Really respect you for the post. One of my musical heroes, Paul Weller knocked it on the head some years back & seems far happier. I reckon it is always about what you replace it with to give you the same escape / high & what your support network is.

 

Brilliant Wakey mate.

 

Great post mate, so many things resonate with me, the only regrets I have ever had were caused by drinking, I definitely used it to hide from my feelings and emotions - one of the hardest things about getting sober is dealing with them and not numbing them with the booze, unresolved childhood issues - feelings of abandonment, which I hid by drinking, I had to forgive my parents and go back and tell 10 year old me it was ok and I didn’t have to feel bad anymore - that sht is deep inside.
now most people are cool with it, I just tell them I was killing myself ( not being too dramatic) if they ask why I don’t drink and if anyone still doesn’t support me then they don’t need to be in my life. Sad but true, it’s a bit of a filter to find your true friends and supporters and ditch the false one. I used to hide the empty wine and gin bottles, put em straight in the recycling after everyone was in bed, all that jazz. Crazy times.
well done on the 18 months too! We got this.

 

Happy that you’re happier buddy. That’s what counts.

I don’t drink anything like as much, and very rare now that I do at all. The odd event I’ll let my hair down. But I go weeks without. Don’t ever miss it or feel I need it.

Happiness is everything. That’s a lot harder to obtain though!

 

Apologies it was so long, but it's not something i can articulate in few words, and your post inspired me to write the response because it spoke to me. I really appreciate your honesty and openness, it can be cathartic but it's not always easy in a public forum, or with friends and family when having to talk about this stuff. I've found my relationship with my own parents is much better now, I also challenge them and i'm honest with them in a way that i wasn't before, and I don't get so defensive when they challenge me; it's healthy. Thanks again mate, and keep it up. You're an inspiration

 

Well done Wakey.
I've never got hooked on alcohol. And definitely a social drinker who is at the age of knowing how to moderate. None of this "go on have another" that used to happen. But more of a, if asked if I want one. I'll decide not the person offering. Most of us reach an age where that's the norm and no one is sort of forced. Some seem to never reach that age.

 

hair?

 

Unlike messrs Norwood and Kane, I’m happy to be bald.

 

I thought you’d gone and got one of those ‘new doos’ from Turkey for a moment, Rooney style

 

I am same, I past 2 years July 1st and same as you best thing I have ever done

 

Brilliant post that mate!!!!!!!