And for some light entertainment

Look, I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'

 

You called ??? nt

 

Very witty nt

 

Wheres the fetus going to gestate

in a box?

 

Just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room

'Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.

 

This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to pre

We're Knights of the Round Table.
We dance whene'er we're able.
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot.
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

 

Very good nt

 

RE: Very good nt

You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets.

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen--

 

Sorry just realised I'm probably stopping you watching

Just trying to cheer folk up a bit

 

Oh..

what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.

Its OK telly is in the corner. I can peruse and watch.

What is your name? Brain. Bwian eh? No brian.

OOh you lucky Barsteward.

 

Oh..

what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.

Its OK telly is in the corner. I can peruse and watch.

What is your name? Brain. Bwian eh? No brian.

OOh you lucky Barsteward.

 

incontinentia buckets

centurian falls over hysterically

 

In case you're wondering

Look here

http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/grail.htm

 

I know

I used it in the last post as a memory jogger

 

Thought so

Try this one http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/brian/brian.htm

 

Its up to here at the moment

Scene 15


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guards search Matthias' house

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REG:
Daniel.
LORETTA:
Daniel.
FRANCIS:
Job.
REG:
Job.
LORETTA:
Job.
FRANCIS:
Joshua.
REG:
Joshua.
LORETTA:
Joshua.
FRANCIS:
Judges.
REG:
Judges.
LORETTA:
Judges.
FRANCIS:
And Brian.
REG:
And Brian.
LORETTA:
And Brian.
REG:
I now propose that all seven of these ex-brothers be now entered in the minutes as probationary martyrs to the cause.
LORETTA:
I second that, Reg.
REG:
Thank you, Loretta. On the nod. Siblings!
[thump]
Let us not be down-hearted. One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning! Their glorious deaths shall unite us all in a--
MATTHIAS:
Look out!
BRIAN:
Hello? Matthias! Reg!
REG:
Go away!
BRIAN:
Hm? Reg, it's me, Brian!
REG:
Get off! Get off out of it!
BRIAN:
Stan!
LORETTA:
Piss off.
COMMANDO:
Yeah, piss off!
REG:
Bugger off.
[bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam]
Ohh,...
[bam bam bam bam bam]
...****!
[bam]
BRIAN:
Uhh.
MATTHIAS:
Coming!
[bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam]
[bam bam bam bam bam bam]
BORING PROPHET:
Yea, verily, at that time, it is written in the book of Obadiah. A man shall strike his donkey and his nephew's donkey and anyone...
[crack]
...in the vicinity...
[creak crack]
...of his nephew or the donkey.
MATTHIAS:
My eyes are dim. I cannot see.
CENTURION:
Are you Matthias?
MATTHIAS:
Yes.
CENTURION:
We have reason to believe you may be hiding one Brian of Nazareth, a member of the terrorist organisation, the 'People's Front of Judea'.
MATTHIAS:
Me? No. I'm just a poor old man. I have no time for law-breakers. My legs are grey. My ears are gnarled. My eyes are old and bent.
CENTURION:
Quiet! Silly person. Guards! Search the house.
[clomp clomp clomp...]
You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harbouring a known criminal?
MATTHIAS:
No.
CENTURION:
Crucifixion.
MATTHIAS:
Oh.
CENTURION:
Nasty, eh?
MATTHIAS:
Hm. Could be worse.

CENTURION:
What do you mean, 'could be worse'?
MATTHIAS:
Well, you could be stabbed.
CENTURION:
Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours! It's a slow, horrible death!
MATTHIAS:
Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
CENTURION:
You're weird.
[clomp clomp clomp...]
SERGEANT:
No, sir. Couldn't find anything, sir.
CENTURION:
But don't worry! You've not seen the last of us, weirdo.
MATTHIAS:
Big Nose.
CENTURION:
Watch it.
MATTHIAS:
Phew, that was lucky.
BRIAN:
I'm sorry, Reg.
REG:
Ohhh, it's all right, siblings. He's sorry. He's sorry he led the Fifth Legion straight to our official headquarters. Well, that's all right, then, Brian. Sit down. Have a scone. Make yourself at home. You klutz! You stupid, bird-brained, flat-headed--
[bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam]
[creak crack]
BORING PROPHET:
...this great, big, juicy melon behind.
[bam bam bam bam bam bam]
MATTHIAS:
My legs are old and bent. My ears are grizzled. Yes?
CENTURION:
There's one place we didn't look. Guards!
MATTHIAS:
I'm just a poor old man.
[clomp clomp clomp...]
My eyesight is bad. My eyes are poor. My nose is knackered.
CENTURION:
Have you ever seen anyone crucified?
MATTHIAS:
Crucifixion's a doddle.
CENTURION:
Don't keep saying that.
[clomp clomp clomp...]
SERGEANT:
Found this spoon, sir.
CENTURION:
Well done, Sergeant! We'll be back, oddball.
[bam bam bam bam bam]
Open up!
MATTHIAS:
You haven't given us time to hide.
[crack crack]
BRIAN:
Aaaaah!

 

Can't watch it missus has a German program on

But will switch over once it's finished

 

On a German theme...

All through the winter of '43 we had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and produce a German version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greater safety. One of them saw two words of the joke and spent several weeks in hospital. But apart from that things went pretty quickly, and we soon had the joke by January, in a form which our troops couldn't understand but which the Germans could.

 

Right leaving you in peace

with this link http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/justthewords.htm