Re: Response to Ralf Little I went through the scariest stage of my life where I shut everybody out, contemplated suicide and pretty much cut myself off from reality before being dragged out of it. To actually do something about it like CC did by throwing himself in front of a lorry must be a f*cking horrible, dark place to have been.
Re: Response to Ralf Little Mirtazapine is an antidepressant, but a different class of medicine to what I take. Buspirone is used to treat anxiety. In the UK it's used as a short term measure for anxiety disorders. Mirtazapine, although primarily an antidepressant, also helps with anxiety, so when that kicks in the doctor will stop prescribing you Buspirone. Unlike many other short term anxiety medications, Buspirone does not induce physical dependence or withdrawal symptoms when you stop taking it, so you'll have no trouble coming off it. I take Citalopram (antidepressant). 40 mg. Have done since 2006. Before that I took Prozac. If I stop taking antidepressants I fall back in to a state of depression within 6 months, which takes me a couple of years to get over. For years I took Risperidone (antipsychotic) but it didn't do me any good at all and it was hell coming off it. I've also been prescribed various drugs to treat anxiety and sleep disorders over the years but don't take any now. There's a misunderstanding about depression. Those of us who suffer it don't feel any worse than the rest of the population. Everyone knows what it's like to feel down, everyone knows what it's like to feel anxious and everyone knows what it's like to feel desperate. You've all experienced exactly the same feelings as us. We're not delicate little flowers and such emotions weigh much more heavily on us, it's just with depression, those feelings are there for no reason and they will not go away. There's also a complete absence of the ability to enjoy things. There is no joy. Antidepressants are not a miracle cure. They're not happy pills. They won't make you happy. Your life makes you happy. But what they'll do is allow you to experience a full range of emotions, they will allow you to experience joy and happiness. If you live in a hole in the ground, you're completely skint, haven't eaten for 3 days and the mob has a contract on your life, you'll still feel like **** however good the antidepressants are. But if Barnsley win away from home, or your girlfriend comes home early and drags you to the pub, or your favourite song that you haven't heard for ages is played on the radio, if the antidepressants are working for you, you'll feel good. But they don't work straight away. They have an accumulative effect and you've got to be taking them for quite a while before they begin to work. It's unusual to feel any positive effect from them at all inside the first month, and it's often the case that it takes 2 to 3 months before they really start working. If you read the side effects on any drug you're prescribed, from antibiotics to treatments for Alzheimer's, it'll scare the living **** out of you. I've been prescribed a number of pills over the years that have stated 'may cause death'. When drug companies conduct clinical trials they have to record any adverse effects those taking the drug report. These then have to be included in the literature you receive with the medication. Mirtazapine has been found to produce fewer and more tolerable side effects than many other antidepressants. In clinical trials fewer than 0.1% found that it caused or increased anxiety or depression. Having said that, if you do genuinely start feeling worse or start having suicidal thoughts, tell your doctor immediately. Something else to watch out for with Mirtazapine is that it can cause drowsiness. Don't drive if you feel like you're dropping to sleep. If, after 2 or 3 months, you feel no beneficial effect, go back to your doctor and ask for a different antidepressant. Don't feel embarrassed about taking a pill every day. If you had diabetes you wouldn't feel embarrassed about taking insulin every day. This is no different. From what you've said, talking it through obviously works for you. Keep that up. Also, bite the bullet, and try speaking to a friend/family member about it. If you don't get the reaction you'd like, try someone else. That uncle of yours sounds like a good place to start. Mindfulness and that sort of stuff – I've found that it works wonderfully when you feel alright, not so when you're depressed. Once you're well, as a long term strategy to stop you slipping back in to depression? Possibly, there hasn't been enough clinical research to know either way, although I'm pretty sure it can't hurt. As a way out of depression? I do wonder if anyone who ever writes on the subject has experienced their mind going a thousand to the dozen that you sometimes get when you're depressed/anxious. Certainly, anyone with clinical depression I've spoken to about it gives a similar report to my own experience: dead easy when you're alright, almost impossible if you're not. But give it a go, if it works then great. My only word of cation on the subject is that there are people who subscribe to this method who will tell you taking antidepressants is the wrong thing to do. Antidepressants work, that has been proven scientifically. Mindfulness may also work, but that doesn't mean antidepressants don't, and anyone telling you something to the contrary isn't helping you. If you haven't already, at some stage someone will tell you to go out for a walk, it'll do you world of good. Such thinking may stem from ignorance, but there's actually summat in it. Physical exercise isn't a miracle cure, but it can certainly help. Do some. I do what they say and go for a walk every day. Er, that's it, sorry for banging on. Stay well.
Re: Response to Ralf Little Another excellent post Jay. I have suffered from depression in the past, I think probably brought on from stress of work and relationship issues in the main. Having someone who is empathetic and there to support you is such a must. I'm aware that not everyone has that in their life, which is such a shame. I think to certain degree you can beat depression although you will always have the lows and you will probably feel them more than anybody else, it is how you deal with them. When I was at my lowest about 10 years ago, and I'm going to say it now because I think I can maybe put somethings in to perspective in this thread. I was drinking heavily and I mean really heavily, and having just broken up with the mother of my lad, I decided to take my own life. It is really difficult to write this because I have never told a soul about this. There is only one person in the world that knows what I did, and the reasons why. My wife doesnt even know, I suppose this has actually made me want to tell her. I didnt do the Lorry thing, but I took lots of Ibrupofen, Paracetemols, pretty much anything I could get my hands on. When I look back, I'm not even sure if I wanted to kill myself or not, I was out of control, I'd be out and got pissed and life felt ****. I didn't think about anybody, it wasn't calculated or selfish, it wasn't anything. It was a lost soul, looking for a way out. I look back and think of that day, as the closing of a door and the opening of others. Since then, my life has changed dramatically, I married the best wife a man could, she has such a positive effect on me that I don't need any medication or any kind of support. I have been lucky enough to find a really positive person, that has made me posisitve about the world, its been such a help. My personal life was going nowhere but I now I have purpose, my career in business has gone from strength to strength and without her I wouldn't have had then sense of purpose that makes you want to push yourself and your career, family life. My advice is always set yourself stretching life goals, motivate yourself not by money, but of things you want to do with your life. From time to time the wife can have a list of things that we should do whether it be holidays, buying houses, decorating, whatever, and although it can be challenging, its what I needed and its given me the focus to achieve things I never thought I had the capability to do. Like Whitey rightly says, cover yourself with positive people, and leave the rest behind. Lifes too short and there is so much to look forward to.
Re: Response to Ralf Little Must have taken some guts writing that. So glad to hear you're OK now. Just to echo a point you made, I really don't know what I would have done without the support of both my wife and my mum. I can't imagine I would have been here.
Re: Response to Ralf Little Not half mate, the last 6 months have been particularly bad for me, the job I took as a senior manager of a very well known car company made my life miserable and I think if I'd have been in a similar position to what I was all those years ago, I wouldnt have been able to cope, but thankfully I have a structure in my life now that means I am able to cope. We just spoke about it, and what the opportunites are in future, and I think that is the key; thinking of the solutions rather than the problem. I left my job in a blaze of glory last week and I start as Sales Director of another company on Tuesday, so all well that ends well. I really believe now in everything happens for a reason, I stay positive, and try to be as nice to people as possible, therefore I get that back in return. I find having hobbies that take me away from the mundane side of life has helped, and I put my heart and soul into it, hence the DJ thing and the event I'm putting together, it gives me a purpose, it might not be for everybody but I enjoy it, not sure the wife does as much though!
Re: Response to Ralf Little Carlisles story, and some of the posts in this thread have really struck a chord with me. After developing a very painful painful and debilitating condition that cant be fully treated, i fell into and was successfully diagnosed with severe depression, and if it wasn't for my other half coming home a lot earlier than she had planned i wouldn't be here today. Before i had experienced the feeling i felt that forced me to plan mu own death, i felt like i imagine a lot(most) of people feel towards suicide(cowards way out, selfich etc...). Its a feeling and condition that no matter how hard you try and describe it to someone, you wont do it justice. Im lucky, i have a fantastic and supportive family and they made sure i got the help i needed. Once you have suffered form depression, i dont believe you ever fully get over it and still to this day, the feelings start creeping back every few months, but i now know where to get help to stop it getting any worse. If anyone on the bbs is having any kind of depressive thoughts, and need to talk to someone who wont judge you, or would like to know where to go for help, or even just support to get through a bad patch, then please drop me a PM and ill be glad to listen nd help...