Could we possibly have a quick round of limericks please.

A football team based on Grove Street

Seem to give rival sides a cheap treat

Proving right the nay-sayers

They lose coaches and players

Which is quite a depressing feat

 

There once was a man called Reg Dwight
Who played and sang long into the night
Despite being geriatric
His voice was electric
But someone on here said he's sh i te

 

There was a young striker named Cole,
Who popped up now and then with a goal,
Though not quite prolific,
His work rate was terrific,
And he raced round the pitch like a foal.

 

There was a young woman from Ealing, who had a peculiar feeling,she laid on her back and opened her cr- -k and pi- -ed all over the ceiling.

 

There was an old fella from Poggy
Who woke in a haze feeling groggy
He'd been dreaming of Duff
And his words out of puff;
His cereal tasted all soggy.

 

Maybe not the best limerick ever, but it is at least a limerick, and rhymes in all the right places, and there is a rhythm to it, and this may sound like I'm damming you with faint praise, but I'm not, I'm praising you from the rooftops, because some of the others made my eyes bleed. Vogon poetry has nothing on this thread.

 

There was a defender called Mads,
Who’s name, and I have to confess,
Was not spelt like it’s wrote,
But a positive to note,
We could soon be Mads Andersen-less

 

There was a young fella called Lee
Who got stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked “Did it hurt?”
He replied “Not at all,
It can do it again if it likes”

(c) Spike Milligan

 

There was a young man called Dejphon,
Who looked a bit like Elton John,
He had a footballing dream,
But he bought a shìt team,
Now he's heading back down to League One.

 

There is an old wreck called 'The Sty'
That hosts football - but goodness knows why,
It's really a circus
And not fit for purpose
For the millions waiting outside!

 

A policeman from near Clapham Junction
Had a penis that just wouldn't function
For the rest of his life
He deceived his poor wife
With some snot on the end if his truncheon

 

As Titian sat painting Rose Madeaux
His model posed nude up a ladder
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he jumped up the ladder and had her.

 

De de de de-de de de
De de de de-de de de
De de-de de de
De de-de de de
De de de de de de

 

I once knew a fellow called Jim
Someone threw a tomato at him
Now. Tomatoes don’t hurt
They don’t break the skin
But this fu@&!r did it was still in the tin

 

A footy team down in S6
Are made up of geriatrics
I hope they come down
Cos the chairman's a clown
And the fans are all MASSIVE dicks

 

Missed a couple of de's out...

 

The team that plays down at Oakwell,
Archive modest success and then sell,
Our hopes yet again torn apart,
When Duff announced it was time to depart,
Deja vu every year. F*cking hell.