Gary Speed ...

It has been quite interesting watching everybody get on their high horse about how tough people with depression have it, when there has not even been the merest hint that Gary Speed was suffering from this condition. I realise that people like to take the chance to take the moral high ground though, especially when there is the chance to have a go at others on here, particularly thereev (although I can understand where they are coming from on that particular point!). I have read Stan Collymore's words and whilst I do appreciate that depression is a genuine and awful condition, it is not as simple as just taking his words/actions as gospel and giving him unconditional sympathy. Depression is also a very abused medical condition and the symptoms that some people present with or report can often be explained in alternative ways.

Certainly, from what we have heard from the likes of Alan Shearer, Robbie Savage and Bryn Laws, as well as what we saw on the TV (although some would have you believe that his body language should have had him sectioned there and then - I can't see it though), Speed's actions on the day leading up to his death don't seem to point to someone who is in such a bad state of depression that suicide is only hours away. Of course, you never know what is going on beneath, but in my experience of working with patients that are suffering from severe depression, appearing on nationwide TV and laughing and joking with colleagues isn't usually high on their list of priorities.

To bring it down to simple terms, suicide tends to be the action of someone who is very unhappy, very scared, very ashamed or very spiteful (sadly, an old friend of mine was on the receiving end of the latter, so please don't say this doesn't happen). I'm sure we'll find out in the fullness of time what the reasons for Speed's death could have been (and for such a public figure there is public interest in this), but whatever the reason it's a tragedy and he is going to be missed by more than just his immediate family. Lets just hope that whatever else comes out of this allows the family to grieve and move on and doesn't taint the affection for him that is obviously felt, judging by the public reaction (me included).

 

Here reev this is what Stan Collymore posted on Twitter around two hours before Gary Speed was found dead.......

http://www.twitlonger.com/show/ecoqm1

"It's 4:48am in the morning(Sat 26th Nov 2011),and i'm wide awake.

I decided to tweet my own personal experience of my latest bout of Depression yesterday,and firstly wanted to thank the hundreds of messages from friends,journalists,mental health workers,doctors,and sufferers,as well as well wishers.It's very humbling to read the stories of fellow sufferers,links to blogs,and general experiences of this awful illness.

I want to elaborate on what Depression is for me,as the illness has so many facets,and varies from bout to bout ,that it can be hard to explain to a fellow sufferer,never mind someone fortunate enough to have never been afflicted!


I've spent so much time with Depression sufferers who have anxiety,irrational fear,too much sleep,not enough,that it's hard to pinpoint one "thing" that Depression is or isn't.All i know is that depending on the severity of the bout,it can be made of mainly one or all of these things,so i'll explain this latest bout,and what it's effect is.

I keep myself in really good nick,i run 10k every week day,and only not go to the gym or exercise at weekends,when i commentate on football for talkSPORT.The running i find really has helped massively,as i'm sure you guys that suffer who exercise find,the tangible release of calm,and "being on top of things" powers your internal dynamo,and keeps the black dog from the door.


Around 10 days ago however,i started to feel anxiety,which grew into irrational fear,which in turn turned into insomnia for 3 days(little sleep,and an incredibly active,negative mind),that in turn over last weekend(Swansea v Man United) into Hypersomnia,whereby my energy levels dipped to zero,and my sleep went from 8 to 18 hours overnight.


So i went from last Saturday at the gym,running 10k as i normally do,looking forward to working,to Tuesday morning being unable to lift my head from the pillow, feeling like my body had been drained of any life,my brain "full" and foggy,and a body that felt like it was carrying an anvil around.

So fit and healthy one day,mind,body and soul withering and dying the next.This to me is the most frightening of experiences,and one fellow suffers i'm sure will agree is the "thud" that sets the Depression rolling.

Once it hits,then cause and effect start to kick in.I sleep 18 hours a day,so i don't see sunlight over sometime a period of a week(my worst ever bout,i spent a month in bed),which i'm sure a doctor then would tell me makes the body shut down even further.My personal world grows smaller,i detach from friends and family,partly out of self preservation,partly not wanting them to see the man bounding around days ago,now looks visibly older,weaker and pathetic.


I eat less,my personal space gets smaller,none of the vain grooming of days before,as bathing,washing,and even going to the loo seem almost impossible.So its me,pyjamas,bed and increasingly despairing thoughts of how long this one will last,a tired,desperately tired but wildly active mind burns through its own blue touch paper until the paper ends,and there is simply nothing left.


That's the point when the practicality sets in,and not a nice one(and incredible to think when you finally get well).

Suicidal thoughts.


Thankfully i've not got to that part yet,and in my last 10 years only once or twice has this practical reality entered my head,and practicality its is,unpalatable the thought may be to many.

Why a practicality? Well,if your mind is empty,your brain ceases to function,your body is pinned to the bed,the future is a dark room,with no light,and this is your reality,it takes a massive leap of faith to know that this time next week,life could be running again,smiling,my world big and my brain back as it should be.So what do some do? They don't take the leap of faith,they address a practical problem with a practical solution to them,and that is taking their own life.And sadly,too many take that route out of this hell.


I'm typing and my brain is full,cloudy and detached but i know i need to elaborate on what i'm going through because there are so many going through this that need to know it's an illness,just an illness.Not bad,mad,crazy or weak,just ill,and that with this particular illness,for its sufferers,for family and friends who are there but feel they can't help,you can!

Patience,time,kindness and support.That's all we need.No "pull your socks up",no "get out of bed you lazy git",just acknowledge the feedback the sufferer gives,get them to go to the GP asap,and help them do the little things bit by bit.

That may seem simple but in my experience,and currently as we speak,having a bath,walking for 5 minutes in the fresh air,making a meal,all things that days before were the norm,seem alien,so friends and family can help ,just by being non judgemental,and helping in the background to get the sufferer literally back on their feet.

I hope that if you are suffering,or know someone that does,that a little insight into someone elses experiences might resonate with one or two and give them the comfort of knowing that there are millions out there like us that deal with this reality in our lives.

We contribute like everyone else,so treat us like everyone else.

You are not alone,there are millions of us.


http://www.mind.org.uk

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Helplines.aspx

http://www.depressionalliance.org

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/mental_health/

http://www.sane.org.uk/






Stan Collymore"

 

That is the most sensible and sensitive post I have read on this board regarding the sad death of Gary Speed.

I have resisted posting anything on the subject as it is all a little bit too close to home for me but that has interested me. I don't particularly have any great insight, but I'll share this if no-ne minds. Hope it comes across okay.

In March last year, an American musician friend of mine took his own life in a quite dreadful manner and I am still no nearer to coming to terms with it. It was someone I had known for twelve years and had maintained a great, if long distance friendship centred on art, music and a love of the natural world. (I had the great pleasure of introducing him to Kes!) For me, an amazingly talented and innovative musician/songwriter with years of creative work ahead of him if nothing else. He was married, no kids and still broke despite critical success. Perhaps not everything to live for but something. He had suffered from severe forms of depression, certainly since I'd known him, as well as drug addiction and an serious physical injury which he never really recovered from.

When he went, some reports said it was a shock but no surprise and everyone is still fishing for a reason why. Which I think now is often a persons search to answer questions about themselves and how they might avoid finding themselves in that situation. At the end of a rope or pointing a gun at themselves. And I think it is human nature to attempt to rationalise everything, to find the reasons for a persons actions that would explain everything away and reassure that this could never happen to them. Then to neatly tie it up in a bow and file away under 'case closed'.

It isn't that simple, but in the case of my friend I end up with a very simple conclusion, if you can call it that. That despite all the complexity, the whys and what ifs, the simple fact is that he didn't want to be alive anymore. I think of that Lou Reed lyric, somewhere on the New York album "life compared to death to him seemed worse" and that is as far as I've got to drawing any kind of line under it. I have also had to quite scary theories - that it is unbearably sad and painful but at least he got what he wanted and that is a positive thing where life was a negative situation. Bizarre stuff. I've also sailed a bit too close to the idea that it was an enlightened act and that he knew something I didn't.

It is terribly sad that Gary Speed found himself in that situation, certainly a great footballer and by all accounts a top bloke and family man. It did appear to have everything to live for that is true, which I think makes the decision he reached the more desperately complex for many of us to understand.

I remember when Elliott Smith died in 2003 that I naively thought that it wouldn't have happened if he was my mate and that I could have done something about it. Then it did happen to a friend of mine and the thing is you can't.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3GC...iGf-0sXT02Mf_tfQ&index=104&feature=plpp_video