How would you get people back to Oakwell?

Two things:

(1) A matter transportation device that can get me from Solihull to Oakwell in roughly 11 seconds every home game.
(2) Bend space-time to create 9 days in the week, so I get a 4 day weekend - which is the only way my manky wife would let me enjoy a game of football on a regular basis without interupting it with one of our children or some type of ridiculous task.

That's all.
I just want the club to smash the laws of physics to bits on my behalf.
Is that too much to ask?

 

Re: Two things:

Some great, considered stuff here from the likes of Fired and others, well done. I'd say one thing the club has got right this year is the merchandise. I've bought a nike rain jacket which I love and is possibly the first thing that isn't a replica shirt I've ever bought there as an adult

 

and also, for all the stick this site gets, isn't it great to see people actively trying together to change things for the better instead of just moaning?

 

To be honest:

It's all becoming a bit homo-erotic.

I'm with Jay on the Lesbian wrestling thingy.

 

Best idea yet:

How would I get people back to Oakwell?

By Hovercraft.

Name me a person who would not attend a match if they were transported there by Hovercraft & I'll show you a person who probably drives a Hovercraft for a living.

There we go.
Problems solved.