Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
     
  2. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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  3. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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  4. Exi

    Exile Well-Known Member

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  5. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    I was on the beach in Blackpool this morning, when I found a man with just his head sticking out of sand.
    "You alright mate ?" I asked.
    "My bloody kids buried me and and can't get out" He said.
    "I'll get a spade" I said as I went for help.
    "Make it a big one " He said " I'm sitting on a feckin donkey!"
     
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  6. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny replies "The feet miss" So the teacher says "Why the feet?" Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting "Oh my God I"m coming""
     
  7. kestyke

    kestyke Well-Known Member

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    Dancing in the street without music is pretty good if you haven't seen it before. Remember to have volume on.

     
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  8. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    I Grilled a Chicken for 2 hours.
    But it still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.
     
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  9. shed131

    shed131 Well-Known Member

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    Took the 7 year old nephew to work with me this morning....got my hammer out of my tool bag and said to him what you reckon to this he replied ugh mi dad's got two of them
    Took out my new makita hammer drill said what you reckon to this....ugh mi dad's got two of them ....my hacksaw ...ugh mi dad's got two of them ....my wrench ...ugh mi dad's got two of them after two hours of hearing the same answer I said come with me...We went to the toilet and I got my
    c0 ck out and said to him
    I bet thi dad's not got two of these

    he replied ...ugh No but he's got one that will make two of that
     
  10. Exi

    Exile Well-Known Member

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    She's had a tough time. She's been to.......

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. Jay

    Jay Well-Known Member

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    Giraffes

    For anyone who has ever looked at a horse and thought, "I could do with more of that".
     
  12. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    A umpire at a local cricket match was hit by the ball so I replaced him but all afternoon people kept shouting "How is he ". I kept shouting back "I don't know go and ask him yourself ".
     
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  13. Das

    Dassett tyke Active Member

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    Saw a bloke who was spitting image of sting in the red light district in amsterdam.he was having a massage in a brothel.
     
  14. shed131

    shed131 Well-Known Member

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    You know when things are bad when you look in the mirror and your reflection says f**k me that's rough
     
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  15. shed131

    shed131 Well-Known Member

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    Did you hear about the giraffe with a sore throat who was laughed out of town
    Told everybody he was a little hoarse
     
  16. Lor

    Lordtyke Well-Known Member

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    A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful off-duty stewardess in uniform walks in. She sits down at the table next to him and folds away her jacket.
    He can’t see any airline logos so he decides to impress her by identifying the airline she flies for.
    He leans across and says the British Airways motto :
    'To Fly. To Serve'.
    The woman looks at him blankly.
    He sits back and thinks again.
    Got it! He leans forward with the Air France motto:
    'Winning the hearts of the world'.
    Again she just stares at him puzzled.
    Undeterred, he tries a third time - this time the Malaysian Airlines motto:
    'Going beyond expectations'.
    The woman stares at him and says:
    'What the f**k do you want?'
    'Ah-ha!' he says, "It's Ryanair".
     
  17. Exi

    Exile Well-Known Member

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    I know they'd just been relegated to the third division but maybe a bit harsh by Esbjerg's official twitter on one of their players?

    [​IMG]
     
  18. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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    Good line up is that. I am hoping we get to see a Wu Tang Clan duet with Noel Edmonds.

    [​IMG]
     
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  19. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Three Irishmen are sat in a pub. Mick says, "Women are so stupid. My wife just bought a car and she can't even drive!" Shamus says, "That's nothing. My wife's on a diet and she's not even fat!" Paddy says, "That's **** all. My wife's taken 30 Condoms to Benidorm and she hasn't even got a ****!"
     
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  20. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    A couple just got married, on there wedding night the wife says to her husband," be gentle I'm a virgin" the husband looks shocked " how can you be a virgin, you' ve been married 3 times before" he says, " well my first husband was a gynecologist and just liked to look at it, my 2nd husband was a psychiatrist and just wanted to talk to it, and my 3rd husband was a stamp collector and just wanted to ......oh god I miss him
     
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