Made me laugh

Seasonal one for y'all.

 

Image not uploading........?

 

In Qatar you can't get Cod & chips,
But you can get battered Wales.... Wales gonna be leaving this tournament with more Ls than one of their daft ******* towns

 

All men are seduced into believing that they're marrying nymphomaniacs.

The trouble is, after a few years the nympho leaves.... but the ******* maniac stays on

 

I think it's about time people stopped making jokes about the Welsh football team. In all fairness, they're not that bad.
Their last 15 results actually look something like this -
LLWDWWDDLLWWDLL
Which, by sheer coincidence, is also the name of the village where Gareth Bale's dad was born!!!!

 

Well am that skint... just opened door on my Advent calendar n f#*king bailiffs were there

 

Mate told me he had an intelligent dog, he said pretend to shoot it, so i point mi fingers like a gun an say Bang, the dog just looks at me like i'm some sort of plonker, it aint done ought, i said, mate sez told ya, he knew you wer kidding

 

https://photos.app.goo.gl/AJMT4M2yL8k8yGdC7


Can't seem to upload files anymore

 

Scotsman, Irishman an Welshman, walk into a bar, there's usually an Englishman in this story but unfortuneately there all at the World Cup, CUM ON ENGLAAAAAAAAND

 

Keith walks up to Lizzy his co worker an sez my your hair smells nice t'day Lizzy.

Lizzy storms off an goes straight to H,R, an makes a sexual harrassment complaint.

The H,R, rep asks what happened,

Lizzy explained that she had been teld her hair smelt nice.

The H,R, rep say's that does'nt sound like a sexual harrassment complaint.

Lizzy replied it does when its Keith the Dwarf.

 

murphy calls to see his mate paddy, who has a broken leg.

paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

 

I’ve just come from Rotherham A+E!!!!
I accidentally sat on a spark plug!
The doctors pulled it out ok then asked ‘How do you feel?’
I said ‘Champion, just fookin Champion!’...

 

Just bin for a Medical, Doctor sez, dunt eat ought Fatty,

I said wot like bacon an sausage,

He just turned an said, no, dont eat anything FATTY.

 

Things you can get away with saying only at Christmas.

1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

2. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

3. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

4. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

5. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

6. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

7. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

8. You still have a little bit on your chin.

9. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

10. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

 

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news...Dpj0bcjolgEQOr6zYWfmTxqOfktQum5g-XGykElgmhnP4

If you see Dick Rimmer police have said don't approach.

 

Went out Clubbing last night. It was my caveman mates stag do.

 

I bought a Christmas sweater last week. When I tried it on at home it was full of static electricity. I took in back and changed it for one without charge.

 

Joseph and Mary lived in a barn. Mary had just given birth to a baby boy, Joseph was a carpenter by trade but had no work.
On this particular day, after another unsuccessful day at the jobcentre, Joseph trudges back to the barn on his donkey. He then notices three men on camels carrying parcels and they take them into the barn.
Joseph gets off his donkey, storms into the barn and shouts, "For christ's sake, Mary; we've just had a baby, I'm unemployed and you are ordering stuff out of the bloody catalogue."

 

Just been reading Noddy Holders autobiography,he said he was always eating snacks in school.In December the teacher said "Noddy what are you eating now" ? Noddy said,,,,,
Its Crispssss Missss!!!!!!