Made me laugh

The Glass Brassiere by Seymour Tit

 

Yay, we’ve reached the 200 mark, keep em coming

 

An Oldie, But A Goodie

An American photographer on vacation was inside a church in Oldham taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Manchester... There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Oldham and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.
'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then travelled to Blackburn, Darwen, Burnley, Rochdale and Littleborough. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it. The American, upon leaving Lancashire decided to travel to Yorkshire to see if Yorkshiremen had the same phone.
He arrived in Todmorden, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '50 pence per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've travelled all over Lancashire and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in Lancashire the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Yorkshire now, son. It's a local call’.

 

To be clear, before anyone is offended, I am not endorsing the anti vegan / vegetarian message in the joke, but thought the reaction was priceless.

Kids joke on Australian TV

https://youtube.com/shorts/C_tu9cHVLZo?si=yKqj3emosq9zoccJ

 

Glass Bra’s eh, hope no one is tempted with a smash and grab.

 

Well winters here again folks and our native birds will soon being finding food scarce! Be good and go to your local pet shop and buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends.
There's no finer sight on a winters morning than a pair of tits around your nut-sack but just remember its a bit early in the year to expect a swallow....

 

Had an appointment to see Doctor at Market Surgery....He said,"Whats the problem?"...I said, "Doc, i keep thinking im a Supermarket....He said, How long ye been feeling this way?..I said. "Ever since i was LIDL...He said, ASDA had any therapy for it?,..I said, "No".
He said. "Dunt worry, i feel like dat ALDI time.

 

I was in the supermarket the other day and Diana Ross tried to push in the queue in front of me, to which I said...

You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait...

 

What do cows listen to? - moosic
Where do sheep get a haircut? - the baabers
What do pigs put on cuts and grazes? - oinkment
Where do naughty cats go when they die? - purrrrrrgatory
What do horses make? - good neighhhhhbours.
What do disorganised geese make? - A fustercluck.

Sorry but I was bored....

 

Boy in the bath with mummy
He asks "whats that hairy thing mummy"

She replies "Thats my sponge"

boy replies. " The babysitter has one too, shes washes daddys face with it"

 

Little Johnny catches his Mom and Dad going at it like absolute lunatics.
He shouts in, "Here, Dad what are you doing?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage.....
The postman filled it this morning."