Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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  2. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    True Love❤️❤️ I walked in to the Red Lion; there she was, dark skinned with highlights on top. I asked a friend is she would introduce us; she said she would but I had to give her £3:10 first. I handed over the cash and swept her off the bar, we have been together ever since. #JohnSmiths
     
    RedInBlackrod likes this.
  3. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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  4. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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  5. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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  6. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    A woman arrives home from work and her husband
    notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He
    asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"
    She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my
    bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, the
    women arrives home from work wearing a
    diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did
    you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a
    raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start
    dinner." The next day, her husband notices she
    arrives home from work wearing a mink coat.
    He
    says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"
    She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go
    get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after
    supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices
    there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells
    to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water
    in the tub."
    He replies, "I didn't want you to get
    your raffle ticket wet."
     
  7. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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  8. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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  9. CarltonRed

    CarltonRed Well-Known Member

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    A mushroom walks into a bar. “Sorry” says the bartender “we don’t serve your type in here”
    “Why not?” said the mushroom “I’m a fungi”
     
  10. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    A non binary gold prospector dug up a fortune in them/their hills.
     
  11. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.
    She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
    About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.
    We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts.
    Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.
    The A n E Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
    Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
    The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them......
    I just never saw one mounted and framed."
     
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  12. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Just remember, behind every angry woman..
    There's a man with absolutely no ******* clue about what the hell he's done wrong.
     
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  13. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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    Bacon cheeseburger anyone?

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  14. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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  15. ronnieGlavinsB@stardSon

    ronnieGlavinsB@stardSon Well-Known Member

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  16. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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  17. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    I've noticed a lot of people where I live seem to be wearing woolly jumpers. I never realised I was in such a close-knit community.
     
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  18. CarltonRed

    CarltonRed Well-Known Member

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    I tried donating blood today, never again. Too many stupid questions. “Whose blood is it?” “Where did you get it?” “Why is it in a bucket?”
     
  19. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Yer puddin.:)
     
  20. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Did you know that the man who invented the Ferris wheel and the man who invented the merry-go-round never actually met? They moved in different circles
     

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