❗️This may be of interest to someone.❗️ A friend of mine has 2 tickets for the next England game v Holland⚽️⚽️⚽️ He paid £300 each including accommodation but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place!! It's at Rotherham Registry Office, at 4pm. The bride's name is Deborah #itscominghome
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A FINAL NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE." THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!" "DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?" "WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER." HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE, I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH." "A WITCH??. .. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?" "WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... ...TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!"
Yesterday I made a Belgian waffle. And then after having a few beers, I made a French man talk absolute bollo*x for hours on end. So job jone ehh, I had a giggle!.
It’s come as a bit of a shock But I’d like to share the good news with everyone! I didn’t even think this would happen and I didn’t expect this but...it’s true! we didn’t want to tell anyone or shout it to the world at first until it was confirmed. Not even told my family yet but !!! I can now share this wonderful news ☺️ I'm very proud to announce ... That this is a scan of my liver in perfect condition !! Ready for the Euro Semi Final!!! IT’s COMING HOME
❗️This may be of interest to someone.❗️ A friend of mine has 2 tickets for the next England game v Holland⚽️⚽️⚽️ He paid £300 each including accommodation but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place!! It's at Rotherham Registry Office, at 4pm. The bride's name is Deborah #itscominghome
Dad, why is my sister called Teresa? Well, son, it's because your mother loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter Ok thanks dad No problem Alan