Apparently Pepsi are to introduce a new mixer drink containing a small amount of viagra. So now you'll be able to pour yourself a stiff one.
Had an interview at an ice cream factory yesterday. Didn't get the job though - I refused to work on sundaes.
Marti Pellow today failed a medical at Barnsley FC today due to ongoing arthritis. When asked about the severity he told the club medic!!!! “I feel it in my fingers. I feel it in my toes”
A little boy arrives home to find his mum and dad having sex on the sofa. Dad says 'Don't worry son I'm just filling mummy with petrol. Son replies 'She doesn't do many miles to the gallon does she dad? Uncle Ernie only filled her up this morning and he used a bigger nozzle
I bought some goldfish for my garden pond, but they kept hiding in the weeds. My mate came round and had a look and said "Nothing to worry about they are just Koi."
Chuffing hate drinking int Wath Wetherspoons , get two pints in, tha bladder gus inta 2nd gear, then the real challenge starts, getting ta chuffing toilets....... Up a couple’a steps, darn the M62, open a cupboard door, quick jog through Narnia, turn left, through the Labyrinth wi David Bowie, turn left again, have a quick wand battle wi Lord Voldemort int grass maze, darn a couple’a steps, quick rap battle wi Eminem ont 8 Mile road in Detroit, up a couple’a more steps, darn a slide, turn left for the third time, quick pit stop ta watch big Maureen feyting a bouncer, up the A1 for fotty mile, get ta toilet, gu’ta open thi pants and thas pissed thi sen, back ta bar, repeat all above
I failed a Health & Safety course at work yesterday. The crucial question was 'What steps would you take in the event of a fire?'. Apparently the answer wasn't...... 'Fookin large ones!'