Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.....
    Last laugh is on them. So far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!...
     
    Simon De Montforte, Oct 13, 2018
    #541
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  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    FEAD5C8F-B0A7-42FC-B888-7DF40C2B8FA2.jpeg
     
    Connor, Oct 14, 2018
    #542
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  3. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    7C0179F6-A7AD-4791-A26D-6C29BA2FC75F.jpeg 7C0179F6-A7AD-4791-A26D-6C29BA2FC75F.jpeg
     
    Connor, Oct 15, 2018
    #543
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  4. BobT

    BobT Well-Known Member

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    Fire reported at Elland Rd. They were worried about the cups, but it did not reach the canteen.
     
    BobT, Oct 17, 2018
    #544
  5. Spa

    Sparkfield red Well-Known Member

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    Woman takes her pet duck to the vets,
    The vet says what’s wrong,
    The woman says I don’t know it’s not moving.
    The vet looks at the duck and says it’s dead.
    The woman replied it can’t be it must be sleeping,
    The vet vet said no it’s dead.
    The vet then said just wait a minute and went out of the room.
    He cam back with a Labrador.
    The Labrador sniffed it,nudged it ,lifted it’s leg then walked out.
    The vet said there it’s dead.
    The woman still did not believe him,so the vet went out again.
    This time he brought in a cat.
    The cat sniffed the duck,looked it up and down,lifted it’s leg and walked out.
    The vet said,there i told you it was dead.
    The woman finally said ok,how much do I owe you.
    The vet said £200 pounds.
    £200 she said,I only thought it was £20.
    Well it would have been,but you have had a LAB report and a CAT scan
    and it’s put the price up.
     
    Sparkfield red, Oct 17, 2018
    #545
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  6. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 17, 2018
    #546
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  7. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    My girlfriend has started using wireless bras.
    It’s tricky enough as it is, now I need a password?
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 18, 2018
    #547
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  8. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    I went into the cake shop earlier, bloke said "all cakes £1."

    I said "Can I get that one?"

    "£2." He replied.

    "£2?" I asked.

    He said "aye, that's Madeira cake."
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 18, 2018
    #548
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  9. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a guy hiding behind a gravestone.
    I said "Morning."
    He replied, "No, just having a ****"
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 18, 2018
    #549
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  10. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10.
    Last night we tried anal and she kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done!
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 18, 2018
    #550
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  11. HarpStaysSharp

    HarpStaysSharp Active Member

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    I'm reaching out on the behalf of a mate of mine, who needs a bit of help. his wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills..... Anyway he's looking for a place to live...
     
    HarpStaysSharp, Oct 18, 2018
    #551
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  12. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Geoffrey Boycott turns 78 today.

    It's taken him 863 years to get there...
     
    Connor, Oct 21, 2018
    #552
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  13. Carlycu5tard

    Carlycu5tard Well-Known Member

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    Just got back from Thailand.

    One night in the hotel bar I got chatting to a pair of beautiful Thai girls -

    When I got them back to my hotel room I thought I'm in here.

    When we all got undressed I thought I'd won the lottery

    Well between us we had six matching balls.
     
    Carlycu5tard, Oct 21, 2018
    #553
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  14. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I walked onto a library.
    "Yes we do" said the librarian
    "Do you have any books on mind reading" i said
     
    Connor, Oct 25, 2018
    #554
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  15. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    Bad news for dyslexics. This weekend your cocks go black.
     
    Simon De Montforte, Oct 25, 2018
    #555
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  16. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    DO YOU WANT TO EARN £££ WORKING FROM HOME?

    With no experience or qualifications needed? Well you can't. Grow the **** up.
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 26, 2018
    #556
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  17. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    Sir Philip Green apparently spent £500,000 trying to gag his employees.

    What an idiot. Brenda down the local brothel does gagging for £30.
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 26, 2018
    #557
  18. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    What's the difference between your wife and your Job?

    Well, after 10 years your job still sucks
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 26, 2018
    #558
  19. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    My girlfriend says our lovemaking is so bad because I'm so easily distracted...

    Ah well. Back to it I suppose.
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 26, 2018
    #559
    Simon De Montforte, Burgundy Red and Connor like this.
  20. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    My new after shave smells like worms.

    Birds love it.
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 26, 2018
    #560
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