Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Walked into a supermarket and saw a man throwing milk, cheese, butter, cream and eggs at people..

    I thought 'how dairy' ....
     
    Connor, Feb 26, 2018
    #41
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  2. Brewery stand

    Brewery stand Well-Known Member

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    Man who farts in church sits in his own pew
     
    Brewery stand, Feb 26, 2018
    #42
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  3. Mr Badger

    Mr Badger Well-Known Member

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    Bill and Ben in the bath. Ben farts and Bill says "It's half past ten."
     
    Mr Badger, Feb 27, 2018
    #43
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  4. Micky Finn

    Micky Finn Well-Known Member

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    Did you know Charles Dickens' 'A Tale Of Two Cities' was originally serialised in two regional newspapers?? That's right, it was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.
     
    Micky Finn, Feb 27, 2018
    #44
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  5. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    My wife says I’m obsessed by astronomy. I mean what planet is she on ?
     
    Connor, Feb 27, 2018
    #45
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  6. Gordon Owen

    Gordon Owen Well-Known Member

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    Told the missus i'll take her to the big apple for new years eve. She'll love it in Bramley.
     
    Gordon Owen, Feb 27, 2018
    #46
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  7. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    I used to be very superstitious up to seeing an hypnotherapist last year and the affliction seems to have gone now

    Touch Wood
     
    Marlon, Feb 27, 2018
    #47
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  8. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    "So what if I can't spell armagedon....................... it's not the end of the world."
     
    Simon De Montforte, Feb 27, 2018
    #48
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  9. Spuggy

    Spuggy Well-Known Member

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    Window cleaner came around yesterday, banging on the windows, shouting and swearing.

    I thought to myself, 'he's lost his rag.'
     
    Spuggy, Feb 27, 2018
    #49
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  10. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    I met up with an old friend last night. He asked "So what you doing these days?" I replied "I hand out clothes to poor people!" "That's so charitable" he replied. "Not really" I said. "I work in Primark!"
     
    shenk1, Feb 27, 2018
    #50
  11. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I used to be addicted to swimming but I've been dry for 2 years
     
    Connor, Feb 27, 2018
    #51
  12. JamDrop

    JamDrop Well-Known Member

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    Someone left me a note complimenting me on my driving yesterday. It said 'Parking Fine' so that was nice.
     
    JamDrop, Feb 28, 2018
    #52
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  13. Red

    Red CB Well-Known Member

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    My wife accused me of loving football more than her , I said to her " how can you think that, when we have been happily married for 30 seasons ! "
     
    Red CB, Feb 28, 2018
    #53
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  14. Rat

    Rats Well-Known Member

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    What’s Tupperware and a walrus got it common...both like a tight seal
     
    Rats, Feb 28, 2018
    #54
  15. Rat

    Rats Well-Known Member

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    Dad dad am 13 now , can I buy my 1st bra... no you Carnt Eric
     
    Rats, Feb 28, 2018
    #55
  16. bright red

    bright red Well-Known Member

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    What time is it if there’s a pork pie on top of the town hall clock?

    Summat to eight.
     
    bright red, Feb 28, 2018
    #56
  17. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Doctor said I’ve only two weeks to live
    Told him I wanted last week in June and first week in august
     
    Marlon, Feb 28, 2018
    #57
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  18. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Since this snow started my wife has done nothing but stare through the window.

    If it gets any heavier I suppose I'll have to let her in.
     
    arabian_ian, Feb 28, 2018
    #58
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  19. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Its Permagrips you need in this weather
     
    arabian_ian, Feb 28, 2018
    #59
  20. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    DUE TO THE VERY COLD WEATHER CONDITIONS, LOCAL SCHOOLS IN THURNSCOE, GOLDTHORPE, BOLTON, and MEXBOROUGH ARE ASKING ALL PARENTS TO WEAR TWO PAIRS OF PYJAMAS WHEN PICKING THEIR KIDS UP FROM SCHOOL.. THANKS...
     
    Connor, Feb 28, 2018
    #60
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