No 2 " The Father of all jokes" made me laugh. https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/5ccace92-5620-4ffe-b536-e506c37a17f9
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork. Paddy says "Are you on foot or in the car?" Billy replies "In the car." "Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy.
Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushed her to hospital. On arrival the nurse asks: "How dilated is she?" To which Paddy replies: "Oh Jaysus, we're both over the feckin' moon!"
A big thanks to my neighbour who lent me a large sheet of plastic during the rain yesterday Ta-Pauline
A work colleague who isn’t known for his enthusiasm in his job was seen in the yard kicking a slug . When asked why he’d done that he said I’m fed up of it, it’s neen following me around all morning .
Just got in from Metrodome, had a p iss in deep end, Lifeguard blew his foooookin Whistle that loud , i almost fell in.
There were a few good and funny nicknames when I was at work. One gaffer was known as Harpic as he was clean round the bend. And another guy known as thrombosis as he was a slow moving clot.
A lad returned to Afghanistan after an absence of 10 years and commented of the cultural change. He said when I left the wife always walked 10 yards behind the husband but now I notice the wife now walks 10 yards infront of the husband. He asked his guide why this change came about. Guide replied, landmines.
I had a really weird dream last night. Where I used to work, there was a bloke who disliked me. Have to say, the feeling was mutual. He worked in our Janitorial and Cleaning equipment department. My dream involved me having a heated arguement with him. He suddenly reached down and plugged a cleaner in and tried to suck me up into it. It really felt as though I was Dyson with death.